The History Chick

These are Hilarious

2011-09-27T08:00:00.000-04:00

So Ancient-Civ-Chick is teaching in High school now and she stumbled upon these historical music videos and sent them to me. I think they are possibly the funniest, most interesting way to teach history I have ever seen. So I figured i'd share some of them with you.

Check out this lady's Youtube Channel for her complete list of videos. She's amazing and hilarious. I wish my history teachers had been this inventive.

My Recurring Nightmare: I'm Not A Masochist

2010-11-15T10:45:00.000-05:00

So for those of you who have been with me for awhile (and really I'd be surprised if i even have one regular reader on this blog) know that about this time last year I was applying to PhD programs....

... and that i got rejected from all of the ones i applied too. It was painful to watch my life's dreams go down the toilet. I mean getting my doctorate was like the only thing i have ever wanted and to see it go up in a big puff of smoke was heartbreaking. I know the economy is bad and that lots of people got rejected, several of my friends included, and that i shouldn't take it personally. But when 6 colleges reject you, its hard not to take it personally.

Anyways, I've decided not to reapply to PhD program this year. There are several circumstances behind it. I can't afford it for one, between retaking the GRE'S ($150), application costs ($350) and having to drive back to my college to talk to my proffies about I simply can't afford it this year since my college loans are currently in repayment. Second, I don't think i can take another round of rejection letters. If i get rejected two years in a row I don't think i will ever be able to apply again and the economy hasn't really picked up enough for circumstances to have changed for me to get in. Lastly, I'm not sure i want to reapply. I mean I'm not loving working as a waitress but I think i need space from academia to have a real life. You know to live how the other half lives. I need to know that this is the only path for me, and right now I'm not so sure.

Does this mean I will never reapply? No, i still might apply again next year. I just need to live a little first. You know get laid, find love, make some money, have an adventure kind of life. All this means is that i'm not a masochist and i don't want to inflict pain on myself two years in a row.

Now That's Obscure

2010-10-22T12:47:00.000-04:00

So anyone who has read my blog for along time knows that i wrote my Master's thesis on Eyre Crowe. Crowe was an official in the British Foreign Office during WWI and II, who was German born and bred, which made him a little bit of an outcast.

Anyways, as i am currently waiting tables while i try to find a real job (anyone know someone who needs an uptight, over-organized history professor or administrative assistant?) I meet a lot of interesting people. About a week ago, i had 6 British (I think, they may have been Scottish) guys at my restaurant drinking wine and Guinness and talking about History. Being the history nerd that i am, i could not help but putting my two sense in. Which led to a discussion of my life and why i was waitressing and what i had studied in college.

As they were wrapping up their meal, I told them that i had wrote my masters thesis on Eyre Crowe.

To which they all replied: Who?

I explained who he was, and they asked me to spell his name. SHOCKER, none of them had heard of Eyre Crowe. They were like "that guy is pretty obscure if 6 British history teachers have never heard of him."

So yeah, I managed to write a 100 page thesis about a guy that British people have never heard of. Score one for me.

I'm a Jealous Bitch

2010-08-06T00:16:00.000-04:00

So let me tell all you college/grad students out their how jealous i am of you right now. Very Very Jealous.

You think "Surely this bitch is joking?"

I'm not. I have been graduated for a mere 3 months now and there is a pang of pain every time I go to a store and see school supplies out. I love buying new school supplies. I love pens and paper and notebooks and goofy paperclips. I just love school supplies. I keep trying to get an office job so that i can buy them for my desk. It's marginally pathetic- I know.

I'm also jealous that you guys are signing up for classes. I love going to class. I mean i am a total nerd- I freely admit that. I love new classes and books and knowledge. If i had the time or money i would sign up for classes i don't need like Russian or Anthropology or Cake Decorating 101. There is just something very fulfilling in going to school and taking classes for me. It's quite possibly the reason i never wanted to leave college in the first place.

In fairness, I don't miss the stress of papers, readings and doing source material. I don't miss in-class discussions on books i didn't give a damn about. But i do miss going to class and talking to people. I miss having a reason to use my planner.I miss having something to do besides online job-hunting and bitching i don't have a job yet. And i definitely miss the rush of going to college.

So when you are bitching about some new tyrant professor or some ridiculous 25 page paper you have to write or some book that sucks just remember: I would kill to trade places with you. Also for those of you who wonder what i have been doing in my time out of grad school check out my other blog for my inane bitching.

Interview Recap

2010-06-15T20:46:00.000-04:00

So you may have remembered that I was interviewing for a history proffie position at Tiny State University.

I had the interview last Thursday. I finished my powerpoint and lecture notes at 11 on Wednesday night, sent them off to G-Fab for approval from him and his Fiancee, Mr. Frodo (whose an actual professor). Then Thursday morning hit and everything went awry. I got up in plenty of time to get ready and get there but i had to print out my lecture notes. Well i'm not home at my apartment, I'm at my parent's house which is 30 minutes from the place i was interviewing. So i take my flash drive and hook it up to my mom's computer to print out my notes. I finish printing and i can't read anything on the paper. Her printer says it has a 1/3rd of a ink catridge left but obviously it was wrong.

So then i'm starting to panic because i need these lecture notes. Luckily my grandparents live in walking distances, so i have my mom call my grandpa and make sure their computer and print is up for when i get there. Then my mom has the bright idea to email my notes to then so they can print it for me. Bright idea right? No, my mom's computer is piss ass slow and took forever to log onto the internet and send it. Time is just ticking away, tick, tick, tick.... With every second i'm getting more aggravated because i still don't have any make-up on. Finally i get it sent as an attachment and get back into the bathroom to finish getting ready as my mom called my grandpa back.

And then my grandpa wasn't at home, but my grandma was. My grandmother, god bless her soul, cannot work a computer to save her life. Anything more complicated than solitaire is frustrating for her. So my poor mother is on the phone with my grandmother trying to walk her through opening an attachment but my grandmother cannot find it. Finally, i finish getting ready, rush over there and print out my file.

I ended up showing up to the interview 2 minutes late because i couldn't find a parking space on campus. The initial interview seemed to go well. The position is adjuncting 5 class a semester, which is a lot of class but doable but no benefits. Then i went into the lecture. I have never lectured before and being nervous was an understatement. I ended up clocking in 15 minutes short of the 50 minute presentation i gave and i wish i had done more straight history than historical concepts. But i did alright; I didn't bomb it but i didn't knock it out of the park either.

The rest of the interview was pretty basic. I got a tour of campus- which I've been to the campus before so it was nice but redundant. Then the typical campus lunch and i was done. It wasn't an awful interview, but I've come out of interviews feeling more confident about getting the job before. I was the first of 4 or 5 candidates to be interviewed, so i won't hear back from the job until July.

Here is hoping for the best!

In Over My Head

2010-06-04T00:55:00.001-04:00

So one month out of graduation and i've been job hunting my butt off. It finally seems to have paid off. I have a job interview! At an actual university for an actual professor position!

Alright, before anyone gets too excited for me. It's at a really tiny state university; about 8,000 students. Its for an adjunct History professor teaching the Intro to American/European/world history courses that like every freshman has to take. The school is actually hiring 2 professors, which makes it better for me. To be completely honest, i can't believe they are even interviewing me. I only have my masters degree as opposed to my PhD. I have zero teaching experience, but i do have a syllabus prepped for Intro to European History (thank god for one of my Proffies and his seminar course).

But they want me to come interview anyways and i am not in a position to say no. This will be my first time interviewing for a real teaching position, so I'm a little nervous to begin with. Plus, this interview requires me to lecture to one of the summer session classes. I have never lectured a class before, I'm totally terrified I'm going to screw it up. Luckily, G-Fab's fiancee is giving my pointers.

I won't lie I'm a little concerned that my age is going to work against me. I'm 26 years-old but I easily look 21. So i worried that looking not that much older than the average student is going to make it hard for the faculty and the students to take me seriously as a professor. I mean, everyone started somewhere- so hopefully if i come off knowledgeable and in-charge of a classroom, they won't hold my age against me.

Everyone cross your fingers for me. I would love to have this job!

**Not an actual picture of me. Plus i would never wear anything that skimpy-period, let alone to teach students in.

One Week Out

2010-05-16T14:09:00.000-04:00

So I have officially been done with graduate school for just over one week, and i am already losing my mind. This time last year I was relishing not having to go to class, being able to sleep in till noon, tanning. This year- I'm a complete wreck.

Seriously. I check about six jobs sites for updated daily. I blog twice as much as I probably need to and at this point i'm starting to go stir crazy. And its only been a WEEK! I'm just not used to having nothing to do, nothing to read, nothing to study, nothing to work on. I mean this should be a relief after the year i just went through with my thesis. But instead i find I'm missing having a purpose and having something to do.

I'm hoping this passes soon, otherwise its going to be a loooooong summer...

What Am I Going To Do Now?

2010-05-08T21:07:00.001-04:00

So I did it.

I graduated from my masters program. I am now in full possession of a Masters of Arts in European History. I wore the goofy black robes with the funny sleeves and the hood that no one could figure out put on (including my proffies) and kept choking me.

Now what the fuck am i going to do with it?

I have no idea. That's the scariest part of all. I did it. I completed my 2 year program in *shocker* 2 years. I passed all the classes. I did all the papers. I wrote the 100 pages thesis and survived the defense without crying. And now i have no idea what i am going to do with my life. Everything i've been doing for the last 2 years has been to get me here so that i could go on to get my PhD. Now that that won't be happening, I feel a little lost. I didn't really have a back-up plan. I always thought this was what i was supposed to be doing. So now i am trying to figure out my next move on a chessboard I really can't envision.

At least I am not alone. I have friends who are doing the same thing. I have friends that still haven't finished the program. I have people who are pulling for me to succeed. So succeed I must.

I guess its time to start applying for jobs (don't be confused, i really already have)

The Beginning of the End

2010-05-01T10:25:00.000-04:00

So I am in my very last week of classes in graduate school (at least for my master's program). And I feel excited and sad and terrified. It was only a little under two years ago that I had started my program and now its coming to a close. I always knew this day would come, I just didn't know how it was going to feel. Granted, I also intended to be going on for my PhD so I didn't expect it to feel so....final.

I've come along way in two years. I have done things I never thought possible. I wrote a paper about the British acquisition of New York City based on primary sources. I didn't even think those sources existed still. I wrote a 100 page thesis, not exactly a easy feet for anyone to accomplish.

Grad school kicked my ass in ways I never thought imaginable, but its been two of the best years of my life. I met some of the greatest people I know. I lost my way and then found it again. I struggles, I worked, and I survived.

Now what happens next is any one's guess...

A Campus Food Smackdown

2010-04-28T14:21:00.000-04:00

I have been to a lot of college campuses in my time. Not just the two i have personally attended, but my sister's college, my friend's colleges, random campus tours, campus I have visted to do research. And the current college I attend has to be the WORST for food i have ever seen.

I mean when i first got here there wasn't that many choices for food, but it was okay. In the last year the campus has shut down the Croatan (had a chik-fil-a/coffee shop) and the dining hall in the bookstore, which were the only two places to eat in the center of campus. They shut both down for renovations in the middle of the school year. They put up a cart to service food (which is shut down half the time), and they opened a little connivance store (also closed half the time).

What the Fuck? They closed down the only two places to eat on the center of campus. The only other places to eat are a 15 minute walk either to south or north sides of campus. I work. I only get a 30 minute lunch break. If it takes me 15 minutes to get anywhere and then 15 minutes back, how am i supposed to get food and eat it in that time frame? It defies the laws of time.

I'm not the only person with this problem. The vast majority of students and campus staff work in the center of campus, because (you guessed it) that's were all the academic buildings are! So now all GA's, TA's, faculty, staff, etc have to walk 15 minutes in any direction to get food on this campus. Most of us don't have time between, work, class, whatever to do that. I think this is a blatant attempt by the campus administration to starve people cause of obesity (I do live in the south).

WTF was the campus thinking? Seriously, I have seen a college renovate an entire building over the summer. Why in the world my current campus would shut down all the food places in the center of campus during the regular school year is beyond me. But if i go into some diabetic shock from this I am totally suing the school for being stupid!

Under the Academic Guillotine

2010-04-20T16:12:00.001-04:00

So my thesis defense was last Wednesday night. I felt like I was basically putting my head under an academic guillotine. And I didn't tell anyone to eat cake!

Let me back up. To complete my Masters of Arts in History program I had to write a thesis. If you have missed any of my ranting/raving/bitching about my thesis, please go read those now. Then my thesis committee had to approve my thesis for defense. Then I had to defend my thesis. This is all pretty standard academic stuff. Except in my department, Thesis Defenses are open to public. Yes, you read that right: Open.To.Public. Which means anyone can come to my defense and there is nothing i can do about it.

Now that in itself didn't bother me, and the only people i had show up were my friends coming to support me. But its really hard to defend your thesis when UNC- Sis and Ancient-Civ-Chick keep making you laugh every 5 seconds (I spent the majority of the defense trying to avoid looking at them). My thesis committee, however, are the no-nonsense type and they got right down to business with my defense.

Seriously, they didn't even let me introduce my thesis before they started nailing me with questions. I felt like i was one of those girls at the circus that is strapped to a spinning board while men throw knives at her. The first question was about word choice and if i knew the French meaning of the word (In fairness, the word was Entente and i used it about 800 times in my paper ~~but it was still a sucky question~~). Then came questions about source materials and possible biases in the sources. Then they started taking shots at my arguments. I was seriously grilled and then sauteed for an hour and a half all while UNC-Sis took pictures.

I have to say i expected most of it. I actually expected it to be much much worse than it was. Although, ACC says it was the hardest defense she's ever seen. My Friend Hoss agreed it was pretty rough. I had two German History Professors, a British Historian and a German Political Scientist- It could have been a slaughter but it wasn't. So all in all I'm happy.

I Passed Right?

How to: Survive Your Thesis Defense

2010-04-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

So I recently defended my Thesis and I promise to give you full details of it soon. But first I thought maybe some tips to surviving a defense might be in order.

1st- take it seriously. Even though 99% of the time if your committee lets you defend you are going pass, doesn't mean you won't be the 1% that will blow it.

2nd- don't eat before hand, because you will feel like you are going to throw up beforehand. It's just better for you to have not eaten in the last 2 hours when that feeling occurs

3rd- Dress like its a job interview. Dress to impress. I am a jean and a tank top kind of girl. I don't like dresses or anything really fancy. But you need to look like you are taking your defense seriously, so you have to look the part.

Besides that, Anyone who reads this blog or my other blog has heard of my best friend, G-Fab. We'll G-Fab's Fiance, Mr. Frodo, is a Professor of Clinical Psychology and was nice enough to write me a very nice letter with tips for my defense (I love him). And i thought i should post it here:

First off, know that because you were approved for defense, the battle is almost over. Approving the thesis for defense means that the work meets the requirements for a master’s as it is. If there were serious problems, or doubts that you would not pass, they would not have approved it. So take heart. This is good news. This means you should reframe this event from a “defense” to a conversation with people who have expertise in an area that you have spent the last several months writing about. But nonetheless, the thesis defense is important. You need to be able to articulate your thoughts, clarify your ideas and consider things they raise that you may not have thought of. Here are some tips to help you.
1) Always, always remember. This entire thing is not about you. It is not about you sounding smart, impressing them, or looking good. This is about the work. Your work. Any and all questions or comments that are raised should strengthen the quality of the thesis and clarify the ideas you have written. If you committee has done their job, they will push your thinking beyond where you went with the thesis. They have years more expertise than you do. With this, they will ask you questions or raise comments that should challenge you to weigh, deduce and consider in terms of the knowledge you have gained. But again, the goal of this is to improve the knowledge that you have generated with your thesis.

This perspective was tremendously helpful to me during my defenses. It enabled me to get out of my own way and wrestle with the ideas my committee was raising, and in the end, my work was stronger. It lessened my anxiety. It made the defense invigorating and dare I say, fun.

2) Listen carefully to questions and comprehend before you respond. Dirty secret. Academics tend to think out loud, and as a result, often present poorly articulated questions. If this happens in a defense you may think “shit! I have no idea what he is talking about! I must be stupid.” Incorrect. More often than not, the question or comment is not clear. So first…before you attempt an answer, repeat the question back to them to make sure you understand. Here are some phrases to use.

“Right. So the question is blah blah etc” is that right?” If they say yes, great. If no, ask them to rephrase the question.

Or if you are clueless…try “I think I am missing something. Are you asking…….? “

3) Once you understand the question you are halfway there. Another academic secret: IT IS OK TO TAKE A LITTLE TIME TO THINK! Often times the questions are layered. Often times they ask 5 -6 different things. Avoid the temptation to jump right in with an answer. Try these phrases:

“great. You just raised several issues. Let me begin with the first one.” Take a moment. Then respond. Then go through each other issue.

“that is an important question/distinction/issue. Let me think for a moment.” Take the time you need and then respond. You have every right to take the time to organize your thoughts.

4) When they send you out in hallway to “talk” relax. Try to have a friend with you. They are talking about what revisions are needed to make the thesis the best it can be. Remember point #1. When you go back in, listen carefully to what they require for revisions. Thank them for their time and expertise.

Breathe.

Isn't he sweet? Anyways, now you may be able to pass your defense.

I Don't "Do Swastikas"

2010-04-15T22:12:00.000-04:00

So you may remember I went to a German conference last year because my advisor basically told me i was going, which i didn't mind. So this year, my advisor and fellow thesis committee member were putting on the same German conference at my school. So i was working all Friday and Saturday at it. Being with a bunch of academics is hard when your still in grad school. They were all so smart and eloquent and spoke fluent German. I can't even manage speaking English correctly.

Anyway, there were some very interesting presentations. I missed the first session Saturday morning because of registration and apparently it got super-heated and like a fight nearly broke out. And by that i mean an academic fight where the proffies get all heated and tell each other that they have sources that prove them wrong or their conclusion are flawed. Whatever. Here are some highlights (most come from my Twitter).

Conference hell day 1: made programs my advisor forgot
Spent the entire keynote speakers address wanting to brush his hair (seriously he looked like just rolled out of bed, and it was 6 at night. I couldn't take him seriously with his messy 5-year-old-playing-on-the-jungle-gym-hair)
Conference Hell day 2: being awake at 6:30 to be there in time. I hate early mornings (but the bagels were amazing. I tried to steal some to take home with me)
Stuck with dumb and dumber while the 1st session is going on. Nice to know I'm smarter than someone here (I've seen trees smarter than these two undergrads)
Learned more about kosher butchering and circumcision than i ever wanted to know (enough to make me want to be a vegetarian on both counts)
One of the paper presenters started his paper with the words "for those of us who don't do swastikas, as Geoff Eley once said." (It is German history you know.)
All the sessions are running long today. Why are historians so long-winded? (because they all think they are the smartest people ever, also we think in circles)

Seriously, the conference was great. I met some really nice people and they gave me great career advice. My advisor kept talking up how great my thesis was (which its isn't). And the free food and wine was amazing, it was a good time for all, even if i felt a little dumb through most of it

What the Hell Are You Wearing? Part two

2010-04-13T10:48:00.002-04:00

So I don't know about other campuses but here at my campus the fricken undergrads do not know how to dress themselves. They need take "How to dress like an adult 101" or at least "How not to look like a skank 101 & 102." I realize this is not the first time I have discussed this on my blog, but last week i saw something so ridiculous I felt that a part two was needed. Not that any ~~dumbasses~~ undergrads are going to take my advice (some of them are still learning how to read). What was so ridiculous it forced this post? It can be summed up in one sentence:

BIKINIS ARE NOT SUITABLE CLASSROOM ATTIRE.

I realize it is spring down here in the south, which means sweltering heat and the overwhelming urge to ~~have sex in a freezer~~ jump into a pool. Now I love my sandals and sunglasses with the best of them. But under no circumstances would I ever wear my bikini top to class, even though my boobs are amazing (seriously, I've had guys tell me they are perfect).

I mean really? Would you respect your proffie if she showed up wearing a miniskirt and halter-top to teach? No, you'd be too busy trying to figure out if she had ~~cellulite~~ ~~liposuction~~ pantyhose on her legs or whether or not her boobs were real. So how can any teacher take a student seriously when she is basically say "My boobs are more important than anything you are teaching." Seriously, I love my bikini but even i have the common decency to throw a tank-top over it when i am going inside a building.

Want to be taken seriously as a student? Start acting like you are a serious student and not just boobs and cute hair.

Crisis of Faith

2010-04-11T10:35:00.001-04:00

I spent this weekend assisting my Advisor put on a conference. It was actually a third in a series of conferences. I'll post plenty more about the conference in the next two days, anyone who has been following my Twitter has already heard some about it.

But that's not really what this post is about. This is my second time being a graduate student at an academic conference and both times I came out feeling soooo stupid. But i expect that somewhat because I was in a room for two days with people who have been doing this for years. They have all published between two and ten books. I haven't even defended my thesis yet. I would have been okay if the other students felt the same but two of my undergrad friends (A1 & A2) were helping out and both of them seemed to get along fine. Both speak German much better than i do. A2 has studied in Germany and A1 is going there next year. I haven't been outside of the western hemisphere.

I don't think that bothered me so much as when the presentations were over and i had to mingle with these academics. A1 &2 got along fine and were striking up conversations left and right. But I'm not like that. I have always been a little bit reserved and a little bit shy and easily intimidated by new people. I've never been able to just walk right up to someone and start a conversation. So i felt a little bit awkward. To make matters worse: my thesis advisor kept introducing me to people and having me discuss my thesis. Let me say right off the bat, I don't think I'm particularly smart. I am determined and hardworking and tenacious, but I'm not brilliant. And these people were Brilliant. I just felt like such a fraud, even though half the people don't study anything related to my time-period or my subject; so they didn't know what i was talking about.

After the conference we went back to my advisors house for a party (more or less), where he felt the need to congratulate me in front of everyone about completing my thesis. Which makes me even more embarrassed. He meant well and i thank him for having faith in me, but I'm not really comfortable being the center of attention.

All of these things make me wonder if I'm really cut out to be a historian. I have always believed that this is what i am supposed to do; that this is what i am good at. But I'm not sure i have the right personality for it. I don't like tooting my own horn, or going on about how brilliant my research is. I'm socially awkward and nervous around new people. I'm not particularly smart- just very determined. This coupled with all my PhD rejection letters just makes me think maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. I don't know.

Any advice anyone could give me at this point would be greatly appreciated...

My Recurring Nightmare: Epic Fail

2010-04-08T14:00:00.001-04:00

So I have been putting off this blog post for awhile because:
1. I hate admitting failure
2. I was waiting for it to be conclusive
3. I don't like sad pity me posts

Anyways, for those few readers who have actually been reading this blog for awhile, you know that I have been applying for PhD programs. My current program is for a terminal Masters.

Well 5 of the 6 schools i applied to for my PhD program have rejected me, which was really hard to take at first. I assume its because there is something wrong with me: my GPA's not high enough, my GRE Scores aren't good enough, my personal statement wasn't interesting enough, etc etc. But the longer it goes on the more i find other people (with better GPA's) that got rejected too. Two friends of mine have been also rejected from 4 or 5 schools. So it's really not me. It's mostly the economy. LSU accepted students but told all incoming Grad Students there would be no assistantships for any of them. And grad school without money is not an option for anyone.

For the Record, I am still waiting to hear back from the University of Kentucky. I have no idea whats taking them so long, but i have other friends that applied there and they haven't heard anything either.

But please don't feel sorry for me, god knows i've felt sorry for myself long enough. I am graduating in May with my Masters and i will go on and do something. I've already started applying for teaching and research jobs that i am really exicted about. And if next year the economy is better and I still want to go to do my PhD i will apply again. But never fear, this blog isn't going anywhere.

The General Theory of Not-Gardening

2010-04-07T22:15:00.001-04:00

So I had to read Modernity on Endless Trial by Leszek Kolakowski (Call-o-cough-ski) for my 20th Century European History class. Never before have i laughed so hard at a history/philosophy book. I mean the man practically is a satirist. Anyways I thought i would post a short excerpt from the book. It really saddened me that this man died last year, I would have really loved to have a conversation with him. For the Record, he's a polish philosopher.

THE GENERAL THEORY OF NOT-GARDENING by Leszek Kolakowski, from "Modernity on Endless Trial."

"Those who hate gardening need a theory. Not-gardening without a theory is a shallow, unworthy way of life. A theory must be convincing and scientific. Yet to different people, different theories are convincing and scientific. Therefore, we need a number of theories. The alternative to not-gardening without a theory is to garden. However, it is much easier to have a theory than actually to garden.

Marxist Theory
"Capitalists try to corrupt the minds of the toiling masses and to poison them with their reactionary 'values.' They want to 'convince' workers that gardening is a great 'pleasure' and thereby keep them busy in their leisure time and prevent them from carrying out the proletarian revolution. Besides, they want to make them believe that with their miserable plot of land they are really 'owners' and not wage earners and in this way win them over to the side of the owners in the class struggle. To garden is therefore to participate in the great plot aiming at the ideological deception of the masses. Do not garden! Q.E.D.
Psychoanalytical Theory
"Fondness for gardening is a typically English quality. It is easy to see why this is so. England was the first country to take part in the Industrial Revolution. The Industrial Revolution killed the natural environment. Nature is the symbol of Mother. By killing Nature, the English people committed matricide. They are unconsciously haunted by feelings of guilt, and they try to expiate their crime by cultivating and worshiping their small, pseudonatural gardens. To garden is to take part in this gigantic self-deception. You must not garden. Q.E.D.
Existentialist Theory
"People garden in order to make Nature human, to 'civilize' it. This, however, is a desperate and futile attempt to transform being-in-itself into being-for-itself. This is not only ontologically impossible; it is a deceptive, morally inadmissible escape from reality, as the distinction between being-in-itself and being-for-itself cannot be abolished. To garden, or to imagine that one can 'humanize' Nature, is to try to efface this distinction and hopelessly to deny one's own irreducibly human ontological status. To garden is to live in bad faith. Gardening is wrong. Q.E.D.
Structuralist Theory
"In primitive societies life was divided into the pair of opposites work/leisure, which corresponded to the distinction field/house. People worked in the field and rested at home. In modern societies the axis of opposition has been reversed: People work in houses (factories, offices) and rest in the open (gardens, parks, forests, rivers, etc.). Such distinctions are crucial in maintaining the conceptual framework whereby people structure their lives. To garden is to confuse the distinction between house and field, between leisure and work; it is to blur, indeed to destroy, the oppositional structure that is the basis of thinking. Gardening is a blunder. Q.E.D.
Analytical Philosophy
"In spite of many attempts, no satisfactory definitions of 'garden' and of 'gardening' have been found; all existing definitions leave a large area of uncertainty about what belongs where. We simply do not know what exactly a garden and gardening are. To use these concepts is therefore intellectually irresponsible, and actually to garden would be even more so. Thou shalt not garden. Q.E.D."

Can I Run In Front of a Bus Now?

2010-04-02T17:34:00.000-04:00

My Thesis Timeline:
March 5th- turn in Thesis draft to committee members for revisions

March 8-12 spring break

March 16th- Get revisions back from Thesis Advisor

March 18th- receive revisions back from committee member 1

March 19th-Begin revisions

April 5th- Final Thesis due into department

April 12th- Defend Thesis

April 16th- Last day to turn in approved thesis to the Graduate school to graduate in May

I'm pretty ~~over~~ well organized. I put myself on a schedule and i stick to the deadlines, otherwise i would never get anything done. So its really hard when all my best laid plan go afoul. This morning (April 2nd) the last member of my committee finally emailed me back with revisions. Now he has had my thesis for 4 weeks, and 3 days before i am due to turn in my thesis i get his revisions. And his revisions are the most labor intensive because he wants me to expand my secondary sources, which means i have to go pull about 15 books out of the library and managed to get them incorporated into my thesis by Monday, when its due to the department.

See my department has this requirement that your thesis sit in the department for a week before you can defend it, because our defenses are open to the whole department. And my thesis has to be approved, defended and revised by April 16th for me to turn it into the graduate school.

It would take a normal person 2 weeks to do what my committee member is asking me to do in 3 days. In fairness to him, He didn't know the thesis had to be due by April 5th, so it's not entirely his fault. But he sat on my thesis for 4 weeks, which is entirely too long, considering my advisor and other member got it back to me in half that time. Plus the library is closed till tomorrow. FML

My Eyes! My Eyes!

2010-03-30T10:58:00.000-04:00

Ever feel like your eyes are bleeding?

No?

Ever had to stare at microfilm for 3 hours?

I rest my case.

Microfilm is both my best friend (historically speaking) and my worst enemy. It contains vital information I normally can't get elsewhere (like newspapers from 1862) but its a fucking pain in the ass to look at for extended amounts of time.

I'm taking a quantitative methods for history course this semester. The class uses SPSS to quantify data so that we can pull relationships out of variables. I know that sounds like a lot of math, and history students don't do math (lies, damn dirty lies), but really the computer does the math for us. For our final project in the class my Proffie has given each of us microfilm from the 1865 NY census. I have Warren County, NY. Anyways he asked us to input certain data of women over 45 to measure fertility. That's all well and good except this shit is hard to read! First, the microfilm is so old that certain pages are totally washed out. Secondly, the handwriting from this period is atrocious and the spelling is worse. Thirdly, microfilm isn't always easy to see- so i have been printing pages out, which i also can't read. I spent 3 hours yesterday trying to input my data into SPSS and by the end of it, I felt like my eyeballs were going to start a protest against me.

I'm pretty sure they were making picket signs.

The Truth is Stranger than Fiction

2010-03-28T11:00:00.002-04:00

I bitch a lot about my life in graduate school. You'd almost think i didn't really love it with the sheer amount of griping i do. And I realized the other day that i never explain why I study history. I mean i could study anything right?

The short answer is because the truth is stranger than fiction. I love the stories. I love all the random, strange, funny stories that could only happen in history because no one would believe them anywhere else. When i got to graduate school I had a proffie (who is now on my thesis committee) ask me why I study German history instead of American or Russian. My answer was simple: I think they're funny. Which isn't to say i don't find the Russians funny- they are fucking hilarious, but Russian is too hard of a language for me to learn (I'm still struggling with English!). So in honor of this I'm gonna tell my favorite history story of all time: The story of False Dmitri I.

In 1584, Ivan the Terrible of Russia died with only his young sickly son Fedor to take the throne. Ivan's had killed his first born son in a fit of rage (there is a gorgeous painting of it- you should google it). So the sickly Fedor take the throne and exiles his stepmother and younger half-brother Dmitri to the city of Uglich, where Dmitri dies under mysterious circumstances. Fedor dies a few years later and there is no one to take the Russian throne- which throws the country into turmoil. Historians actually call it the time of troubles.

In 1605, this guy appears in Moscow claiming to be Dmitri. Things are going so badly that he gets a groundswell of support from nobles and peasants and eventually gets the Russian throne. But then Dmitri does some things that piss the Russian's off; namely he supported the Polish Pope and married a Polish Woman. Two weeks after the wedding a group of Russian nobility arrest him and reveal him to be the fraud he was. Dmitri was actually a polish man named Gregory Otrepyev.

The best part is what they do False Dmitri I. Upon learning all of this, the Russian nobility shoots him, then draw and quarters his body, puts it on display in the town square, burns his body and then puts the ashes in a cannon and shoots the cannon off towards Poland. Needless to say, they wanted to make sure he was dead. A few years later, two other men claim to be Dmitri- neither of them were as successful as the False Dmitri I.

How Far Is Too Far?

2010-03-25T12:52:00.006-04:00

I don't typically write about anything beyond my own suffering in grad school, but i thought i should chime into this debate. If you have watched the above video and read anything on the various news sites you know there is a fair amount of debate about this. Were the police out of line? Was the student treated differently because she was black? Did the Professor overreact?

My obvious answer to all of those questions is no. The student was obviously upset over a test question- which is understandable. But she was clearly out of line throwing a water bottle at a fellow student (recording started afterwards but she clearly admits to throwing it), and then threatening said student. She was increasingly hostile while the professor tried to remain calm (she's a saint cause i would have lost my mind at this girl). The professor asks the student to leave class at least twice. The student flat out says she's not going to leave "cause i paid to be here." I mean the student was hostile, belligerent and clearly a threat to the professor and students. Even after the cops arrested her she says "that dumb bitch is going down" about the proffie. If that's not a threat I don't know what is.
On the case if the cops used excessive force: well she did say that they would have to drag her out of here. I know a lot of cops; they tend to take you at your word. So when you say something like that they believe it. Plus, haven't people ever watched Jerry Springer? The minute a person says I'm okay and the security lets them go, the person goes right back to trying to attack. I mean this would have happened anywhere in the US and i think the cops are showing admirable restraint, cause I'd have tasered her ass.
I don't think this has anything to do with her skin color. I'm pretty sure if i acted like that my ass would have been arrested too. I think the students and the professor felt like they were in danger and acted accordingly calling the cops. No students or Proffies should have to be in fear in their classroom. Plus even if she hadn't threatened a student/proffie, she was disruptive to learning and therefore had to go. The first amendment protects free speech until it impinges on someone else's free speech. She was impinging on every other students right to ask questions and learn and the teachers right to teach (not that this is really a free speech case, I just like using the word "impinges").

Oh The Rewrites

2010-03-22T12:51:00.004-04:00

So I got my thesis draft back from my advisor and one of the members of my committee (one left to go), and their comments weren't that bad. I got a lot of: good source material, nice use of sources, content is good. And then i got a lot of: your grammar is atrocious (duh anyone who reads my blog already knows that), writing is boring and cliched, must hire editor. So I did just that. I got one of my friends to agree to edit my thesis as soon as i finish making these edits.

And boy are there a lot of edits. My entire first chapter has to be reformatted. My second chapter has to be expanded. Chapters 3-6 need include more of my main character. And you know i have to actually put forward a thesis sometime in there too. We went ahead and scheduled my defense for April 12th, because they think i should be finished with the edits by then (if i ever get around to starting them). Now where is the booze?

Because A Pictures Worth A 1000 words Right?

2010-03-15T14:57:00.004-04:00

Now, can i add these 1,000 words onto the end of the draft or do i have to roll them foward?

and yes this is currently my facebook profile

Done, Done, Done!!!

2010-03-04T12:05:00.004-05:00

89 pages, 228 footnotes, 23,008 words and well over a 100 hours of research, writing, stressing, and rewriting my Thesis draft is done!!

I don't think i have ever felt this good in my entire life. Last night when i finished I had a feeling of what can only be described as euphoria. I danced around my apartment half-naked for at least a good 45 minutes (also doing laundry).

This isn't to say my thesis is completed. Hardly. The draft now goes to my committee members who will read it and make notes on it. Then i will get the notes back, make the edits and return it to my Thesis advisor for approval. Once he approves my thesis has to sit in the department for a week before i can defend. So i'm hardly finished with my thesis. I still have to write an introduction, conclusion, acknowledgements, table of contents, and do the edits. But in the scheme of things getting the draft done is probably 70% of the work, the edits are 20% and everything else is 10%.

Until i get to the defense that is...

My Love/Hate Relationship with ILL

2010-03-02T14:57:00.003-05:00

So it has been a long and grueling ordeal with my thesis and i couldn't have done it without InterLibrary Loan (ILL) and Worldcat. That having been said why must ILL fuck up my orders all the time?

Listen, I've worked in a Library twice in my life. I know how hard it is and how tedious. And I'm not asking for a miracle here, I would just like the people who work at ILL to actually read the information i give them. I've been working out of 13 volume set that my library does not have for my thesis. I've already gone to Duke and Chapel Hill for research because of this. I've spent hours in the subbasement of Duke photocopying research materials.

So I am on the tail-end of my thesis and i only need three volumes (which I've already looked at once, i just want to double check) so i thought ILL could get them for me. So i go through the page long process and get all the numbers for them. And then at the Notes sections i write that i only need Volumes 6, 10 B, and 11. They get in surprisingly fast but when i pick them up what do i notice? They sent me volumes 1-6. I don't need volumes 1-5; they don't have anything to do with my thesis (well parts of 4 do, but i already finished that section). How hard is it ILL to look at the notes section and order the right thing? Now you've wasted time and money shipping in books I'm going to have to ship back out to get the correct volumes.

For the record this is the second time ILL has done this with these books. The first time was last spring which prompted to me make the trips to Duke and Chapel Hill because waiting on ILL to get it right could take forever. I suppose its my fault for expecting the Librarians (or their assistants) to read.

The End Is In Sight!

2010-03-01T12:18:00.000-05:00

I am almost done with my thesis! I have one measly 15 page chapter left to write and then my entire draft will be done. I know there have been a lot of highs and lows in writing my thesis but not that it is so close to the finish line i feel relieved. I have never worked so hard on one paper in my entire life.

That being said the last 2 weeks have been complete hell for me. I have sat behind a computer at least 3 hours each day writing (more like 8 hours on saturday and sundays). I have avoided doing the reading and homework for my other classes. I have avoided hanging out with my friends. The only thing i haven't avoided is food and copious amounts of alcohol. But it is all going to be worth it when i get that bright shiny Master's degree.

Now back to writing because i must must must get this thesis finished if i ever want to see my bed again...

Crunch Time

2010-02-17T10:19:00.006-05:00

So i have 13 days to finish the last 45 pages of my thesis. By thesis i mean the rough draft of my thesis. My advisor gave me until march 1st to have the entire rough draft finished (but i'm going to push it off to march 2nd cause he doesn't come in on Mondays anyway). Technically i already have 5 pages written so i only have 40 left. But even then I still have to write 3 pages a day for the next 13 days to accomplish this it in time. It doesn't sound all that hard but it takes me a little over an hour a page so 3 pages runs about 4 hours for me.

And this doesn't take into account everything else going on in my life. My mom is due to have a baby soon (yeah insert shock here). So i have a whole slew of days where i have to be home to help so who knows when i'm going to write during that.

Can i get it done? Aboslutely. Do i have to buckledown, focus and elimnate all distractions to acheive this? Probably. Am i going to be pulling my hair out for the next 2 weeks? You betcha.

How To: Write a Prospectus

2010-02-08T15:43:00.005-05:00

So I've noticed recently that i get a lot of hits off goggle about how to write a history prospectus, and i thought to myself someone out there must be wondering how you go about writing one of these things. Well the thing is-it isn't easy. Its not easy because how you write a prospectus really depends on what the professor wants and what you are writing it for. I have had proffies that wanted a 250 word prospectus, and proffies that wanted a paragraph prospectus. So the first thing to figure out is what they want, but I can help you with the basics.

First things, first: You want to introduce the topic. What are you writing about? Give some background on the topic
Explain what you want to argue/look at. You don't necessarily have to have your thesis statement clarified yet, but you do have to know what direction your heading. You should have a couple questions you intend on answering
Discuss your source material. The people reading your prospectus want to know that you've looked into the material you'll be working with. And trust me you don't want to pick a topic and then find out all the source material is in French.
How is your topic going to fit into the field. This is the Historiography part. You need to be able to explain how what you are saying is different from everyone else's- and how it will fit into the current field. You don't want to be reiterating what 50 other historians said before you.
Conclusion- some up everything you have said.
Optional: tentative bibliography. More often then not, your proffie will want this. They want to know that you have spent time looking into the topic and that you have a range of source material (primary and secondary) to look at.

Don't get discouraged if your proffie makes you rewrite your Prospectus a couple times. So far the standard at my dept. is that you rewrite your prospectus at least 3 times before the advisor approves it. It's just one of those things they want you to tweak over and over until its perfect. Just so you have a few examples here are some prospectuses I've written:

Masters Thesis Prospectus on Anglo-German Diplomacy

John Q. Adams Historiography Prospectus

German Migration Historiography Prospectus

Because we should be able to make fun of history...

2010-02-08T11:50:00.001-05:00

Sometimes its nice to make fun of the horrible people that have lived:

Save Our History!

2010-02-04T11:22:00.008-05:00

North Carolina Schools May Cut Chunk Out of U.S. History Lessons*
Wednesday,
February 03, 2010
By Molly Henneberg

He may be the president who governed during the Civil War, freeing the slaves, but under a new curriculum proposal for North Carolina high schools, U.S. history would begin years after President Lincoln, with the presidency of Rutherford B. Hayes in
1877. State education leaders say this may help students learn about more recent history in greater depth.

This is like the biggest travesty i have ever seen and of course it comes from my home-state (mostly) of NC. I just don't understand how anyone could think this was a good idea. US history in NC already starts with Washington's Inauguration and pushes the entire American Revolution into Civics; I could live with that. But cutting out the first 100 years of American history is just stupid. Here's just a small list of things that would be cut out of American History if they started it at 1877:

American Revolution
Articles of Confederation
Constitution/Washington's Inauguration
Marbury Vs. Madison
Jefferson's Election to Presidency/Louisiana Purchase/Lewis and Clark
War of 1812
Monroe Doctrine
Andrew Jackson's Presidency/Bank Wars/Trail of Tears
Gold Rush
Missouri Compromise
Kansas-Nebraska Act
Lincoln's Presidency/Civil War/Emancipation proclamation
Lincoln's Assassination/Reconstruction

And those are just the really big things. Then there is cultural stuff like the 2nd great awakening, and education reforms, the founding of the latter-day saints, the spoils systems, etc etc. And my question is: where is the outrage? So far only FoxNews has picked up the story. We need to Save our History!

* Full story at FoxNews

Less is More

2010-01-26T20:51:00.002-05:00

Okay let me dole out some advice for you college/grad students in general; especially those that take seminar classes where the Proffie doesn't lecture the entire time and your grade is dependent on participation. Sometimes Less is More.

What i mean to say is shut the fuck up. Your participation grade isn't dependent on how much you talk. It's dependent on what you say. You can talk for a half an hour and not say anything important, or you can talk for 5 minutes and say something really brilliant. That's the method i work under (or at least try to). I don't talk a lot but when i do it's to make an educated point. I actually think about what i'm going to say and then say it in the most succinct manner.

I have had the unlucky predicament of always sitting next to the guy who dominates class discussion. These guys (on occassion girls) don't get it. If your talking just to talk- you are wasting the class and the proffies time. If you don't have a point to make- you are taking time away from people who actually do have points to make. If you are dominating class discussion chances are you're talking way way too much. Plus, I assure you, people who talk too much piss the whole class off. You:

Piss people off because they can't get a word in edgewise
Piss people off because you are stealing points they were trying to make
Piss people off because your making the class run longer
Piss people off because your probably interrupting them

So please next time your in class think about what your saying and ask "am i saying something valid that makes a point" or "am i just talking to talk." If its the second one, Shut UP!

Some People Shouldn't Speak

2010-01-25T12:20:00.004-05:00

Listen I am grateful to live in America where i freedom of speech, that doesn't mean, however, that i think everyone should be able to talk about anything they want to. Case in Point: Oliver Stone. Stone is currently making a making a 10-part documentary on 20th century entitled "The Secret History of the United States." What Stone fails to realize is that making a documentary does not make him a historical expert on ANYTHING. The nonsense that has come out this man's mouth in the last couple days is enough to make any historian choke on their coffee, and to make German Historians want to smack him. Lets start with this little doozy:

Stone, who is working on a 10-part documentary on the 20th century titled "The Secret History of the United States," said the German dictator [Hitler] was "enabled by Western bankers" and managed to "seduce" Germany's military industrial complex.*

Really? Hitler was enabled by Western bankers? I would love to see his footnote for this. Considering Hitler came to power during the middle of the depression when Western Banks didn't have money to give out. And he didn't have to seduce the military complex, they were already behind him. Plus this fails to take into account about a 100 other things that contributed to Hitler gaining power, which he did legally through elections with people tend to forget. Then there is this gem of a quote:

“Hitler is an easy scapegoat throughout history and it’s been used cheaply. He’s the product of a series of actions. It’s cause and effect,” the Telegraph quoted him as saying at a press conference in California**

I actually stand to agree with Stone on this point; Hitler didn't start WWII alone, but you can't say that everything he did was cause and effect. The mass murder of millions of Jewish people rests on his and his staff's heads alone. They chose to do that after other plans didn't work (including one where they tried to ship the Jewish off to Madagascar, that was foiled by the Battle of Britain). Of course the Jewish are up in arms over this and rightfully so.

If that wasn't enough, Stone has decided to throw politics in it. Saying that Rush Limbaugh and the right don't want to hear this stuff because they don't like history to be revisited. No dumbass, they don't like stupid filmmakers (like you) rewriting history to fit your own agenda- BIG DIFFERENCE. Not to mention the total historical inaccurancy of your work and the uninformed americans who believe it's the truth.

Then there is the part where he talks about JFK and how the US is in denail about that. He calls it a "National Fairytale" because Americans don't even want to suspect that anyone else than Lee Harvey Oswald killed Kennedy. I'm sorry i have yet to see any concrete proof from science, history, or elsewhere that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that anyone else but Oswald did it. I've studied the Kennedy assassination and sure there are some circumstainal things, but the failure of proof lies with those claiming someone else did it.
Not those claiming Oswald did it.

Please Oliver Stone, go back to making movies that fictional and fun, because you do not belong in the realm of History. Leave that to the real historians, and for the two Historians who are attached to Stone's current work- You should be ashamed of yourself and ashamed of what Stone is saying.

*Quoted from the Canadian Press.
**Quoted from Times of India

Down the Home Stretch

2010-01-14T13:57:00.004-05:00

So I've had the first day of my last two classes of my last semester of graduate school (master's edition). I actually think i'm really going to like the first class: 20th Century European History. Instead of just giving us the rundown of the stuff that happened my proffie decided to do overarching themes of the 20th century and whether we could look at the continent as a whole and establish a trend. Which i think is going to be a really interesting way to look at the 20th century in Europe. So instead of studying WWII ad nauseum- we are going to look at totalitarianism and modernity and genocide. I'm actually really exicted for this class.

My second class is going to be a little more boring: Intro to Quantative Methods. I adore the proffie for this class- I've had him before, and he's just a nice guy. But its all about methodology and computers and statistics (they promise no math- we are Historians). So i have the feeling i might be bored silly but i have like 3 friends in the class so i think i'll manage alright.

Its just a really strange feeling being a mere 5 months away from graduation. I mean i still have a lot of stuff to do. I still have to finish the other half of my thesis and then edit it and defend it. I still have classes and a job (more on the new job later) and waiting for phd letters to come in (hopefully i won't get 6 rejections), but i am really close to having my masters degree and that is very exciting.

My Recurring Nightmare: Phase 1- Completed

2010-01-13T18:44:00.003-05:00

Finished! I mailed off the very last packet of supporting documents to the last university today. All my letters of recommendation, transcripts, GRE scores, writing samples, statements of purpose, CV's are in the mail. All the applications have been turned in and paid for. *deep sigh of relief*

This is the best and worst part of this process for me. My part is over- there is nothing more i have to do or write or turn in or harp on my professors to do. So on one hand its a big stress relief that i don't have to juggle my time doing this anymore and making sure everything gets sent in by the correct dates.

On the other hand- This is totally out of my hands now, which is even more stressful and insane. Its all in the hands of the admissions committees. Will they like? Do they want me? Are they willing to pay for me? In short- Am I Good Enough? And it doesn't bode well for me that the economy is in recession. My Advisor told me yesterday that there were 700 applicants for like 70 jobs at the AHA this year (I don't have footnotes to back that up). Which means Departments don't have money to hire new professors which means that they don't have money to fund too many graduate students either. So i just have to wish and hope and pray that someone somewhere sees potential and takes me

New Year, Old Failures

2010-01-04T14:40:00.003-05:00

So remember last January when I made this little list of resolutions for the upcoming school year?

Yeah, no you don't remember it?

We'll good- its not like i kept any of them anyways.

I lied, I kept one of them: 2. Start papers more than 2 days before they are due. In fairness, there was more than one paper i wrote the night before this last year. But i started all the research more than the night before- so i think it still counts, right?

Anyways, my last semester of my master program commences in 8 days. One semester left to finish my thesis and graduate. It's kind of a scary predicament. I mean yes i am half way done with my thesis, but i still have 50 more pages to go before March 1st- which is the date i am supposed to be done with my thesis as decided by my advisor. So that's 8 weeks to write 50 pages and i think i might have to discard an entire chapter for lack of source materials.

So bring on the diet Pepsi, Ben & Jerrys and box of Kleenex. The History Chick has work to do and nothing is going to stop her from being done on time!

Starting To Look Up

2009-12-20T13:16:00.002-05:00

So I've had a string of bad luck recently; December has not been good to me. I'm not going to get into all the gory details here but take my word for it, it hasn't been an easy month. But things are starting to look up for me.

First, I finally got a Graduate Assistantship for the rest of this year. You may remember due to budget cuts (supposedly) my department was unable to give me a GA position. Now i'm a little suspicious due to the number of assistantship they gave out in the department entirely. But I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Luckily for me, the College of Education had about 5 vacancies to fill for spring. I was just so lucky to get hired on there, and I think it will be a fun job.

Second, I got my grades in for this semester. I managed to pull off two A's. Now I only take 3 classes a semester, because that's all they want us to take. But my third class is Thesis, and i don't get a grade for that. I really didn't know if i was going to make straight A's. I had one class that could go either way, and luckily for me it went the right way. Bringing my GPA up to a 3.75, which is much better than the 3.66 i was sporting.

Thirdly, my Thesis Advisor assures me that just because my recommendations were not in on time, that Duke will not hold it against me. He swears they give extra time for the proffies to get those in, baring that I got all my paperwork in on time- which i did. So that's come as a great relief to me. I still don't think I'm getting into Duke, but its nice to know they won't reject me because of late letters

My Recurring Nightmare: Application Fail

2009-12-16T16:29:00.008-05:00

So it's no secret that I have been putting in applications for PHD. And after writing my statement of purpose, finalizing a writing sample, getting the GRE Scores and Transcripts sent out, I have finished exactly one application: Duke University, which cost me about a hundred dollars.

Now I don't actually expect to get into Duke, I do not have the qualifications. But they were my long-shot and I have a rule that it is worse to never try than to try and fail. So I got all my stuff together and turned the application in on Dec 2nd (it was due dec 15th). The only thing it was waiting on was my 3 references and Duke sends out emails for those. My 3 recommenders got said emails on Nov 29th and Dec 2nd respectively.

Yesterday, Dec 15th, I check my online application and only 1 of my three proffies had sent in their letter of reference. So i started scrambling. I resent out emails, I called their offices and I never got a hold of anyone. So the deadline has come and past and one 1 of 3 letters of references went in. I'm torn between crying and killing something. I mean i didn't actually think i would get in, but i wanted the opportunity to be rejected based on my merits. Now I'm going to be rejected based on the merits that I didn't harass the hell out of my Proffies to get this done. While I'm disappointed in them, I'm really mad at myself. I should have harped on them to do this. They don't get paid to do this; its not in their job description. It's very disheartening because I feel like I just threw a hundred dollars into a shredder.

The only thing I can do right now is try to focus on the next five schools and make sure everything gets done for them. Better luck next time right?

Paper Writing in 5 Stages

2009-12-08T16:54:00.002-05:00

So I had to write the third chapter of my thesis for the final paper in one of my classes this semester. With this being the first semester I've had twitter, it made it much easier to talk about writing the paper. In looking at my tweets/Facebook status updates I've noticed there seem to be 5 stages in paper writing:

Stage 1: Avoidance

Can no longer avoid starting the research for the 3rd chapter of my thesis... 3:00 PM Nov 22nd from web

Work, Store, Dog Park, Reading a Book, German Homework, Statement of Purpose, Thesis... How am i going to get it all done today? 11:56 AM Nov 29th from web

Must work on thesis...just really don't want too 6:31 PM Dec 4th from web

Stage 2: Enjoyment

Man I love the Germans. Kaiser Wilhelm II is a nut job. 2:16 PM Dec 6th from web

Cooking dinner and then working on my thesis until my eyes bleed: 3/15

Stage 3: Misery

is wishing History wasn't her chosen profession right now... 10:09 PM Dec 6th from web

Has two options: Change the argument to fit the sources, or change the sources to fit the argument. Dammit I really liked my argument. 12:21 PM Dec 7th from web

Is starting to drink while writing this paper....must not get drunk. I don't think my Advisor is going to like my drunk ramblings better about 21 hours ago from web.

is sooo burnt-out on this paper: 10/15

Stage 4: Bargaining

This is like the thesis chapter that never frickin ends! I so deserve sex when this paper is done. about 5 hours ago from web

Stage 5: Relief

Project Thesis Chapter 3: Completed. Now if its any good remains to be seen 4 minutes ago from web

Drowning in Books

2009-12-05T17:26:00.002-05:00

I am going crazy...

So I'm working on the 3rd chapter of my thesis due Tuesday (that means in 4 days) and i have all my research laid out in files and books and on my rolly-cart. And I can't find a book that i am looking for. Technically, i have two copies of this book because i ordered it on InterLibrary Loan because someone else had it checked out of my library. We'll then they turned it in and the Library held it for me, so then i had two copies (i'm going to return the ILL copy soon- promise). But i can't find this book and its driving me crazy. I looked in my bin of books, on my bookshelf, in my stack of books on my kitchen table. With all the normal places checked i moved onto: my car, my laundry room, the cabinets in my kitchen, under my bed, in my storage boxes in the living room. No luck.

I finally found it. Where you might ask? In the stack of books on my kitchen table that i checked 3 times. It was at the very bottom. I think i might have too many books...

My Recurring Nightmare: (Slowly) Making Progress

2009-12-03T21:20:00.003-05:00

So I'm in the middle of PHD Apps and i'm slowly making progress. I managed to get my Statement of Purpose written and actually like it as opposed to the last time i wrote a Statement of Purpose. Hey i managed to get Indiana Jones, Nazi's, Jacques Derrida and the meaning of my name all into one paragraph, if that doesn't catch someone's attention- nothing will. I updated my writing sample, which is also the second chapter to my thesis. I managed to scored 3 proffies to do recommendations for me, although i worry they are so busy right now that they won't have adequate time to get them in (trust me when i say i am eternally thankful- they are all getting cards after the new year). And i managed to get Duke's application finished well before the due date.

Other than that i have 3 applications that are in process- meaning parts of them are done but not completed yet. I have entire thesis chapter to write this weekend (wish me luck). I think after that i might finally be able to get into the Christmas spirit.

Avoidance of the First Class

2009-11-22T15:16:00.003-05:00

So Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and i can think about is going home and being with my family, eating food, and then working on black Friday. With it looming overhead, i have absolutely zero initiative to work on anything. Which is bad, very very very bad, because i have the third chapter to my thesis due in just over 2 weeks. I haven't even began to look at the research, although lucky for me its already complied into folders and somewhat organized.

To make matters even worse, my first PHD application is due in a very short matter of time and I am not ready at all. I haven't sent out my GRE Scores or Transcripts yet. I don't have a statement of purpose written yet. I don't even have a draft written yet. I have asked 2 proffies to do my recommendations but not the third, and I haven't gotten the paperwork to any of them yet anyways. I did, however, manage to create a PHD application checklist. So i can cross making a checklist off the checklist. I feel like i am drowning in a sea of things to do and I can't paddle my way out of it. And avoiding it is only making it that much worse right now. So I am going to find a big bag of motivation (otherwise known as Peanut Butter M&M's) and get my little ass to work. Otherwise i might just kill my own career.

End of the Semester Smackdown

2009-11-18T19:02:00.003-05:00

Anyone whose read this blog should know that I love Rate You Students. I especially love when they issue a smackdown on snowflakes and other annoying people. So in appreciation of RYS, here is my end of semester smackdown of those few people who keep pissing me off.

Pompous Paulie- Paulie is one of those 1st year grad students who thinks he knows everything about everything. Which is pathetic because he's not even a history grad students; he's not even a history MAED (masters of arts in education) student; He's a history MAT (masters of arts in teaching) student, which means he is on lowest rung of history students (no offense to other MAT's, some of them are brilliant and awesome. He is not one of them). Paulie talks non-stop in class mostly about nonsense while the rest of the class rolls their eyes and tries not to gag. I'm pretty sure half the class has already plotted his death. Even the Proffie gets tired of Paulie's long-winded kissing of his own ass. Paulie, please do us all a favor and go suck your own cock somewhere else.

Political Science Steve- I understand that you are a political science major in undergrad, but if PS is all you care about, why are you in my graduate level history class? On top of that why would you come into class and tell me that my profession is unimportant. No lie- Steve came into class and said that the only history that was important was the history of the people in power. Women's history, social history, economic history, etc are all worthless studies because they don't matter. Which makes me wonder why he's taking the class at all because its obviously worthless. Even worse his opinion is the only right one, which he violently shoves down your throat when you make a point. Steve please shove it up your ass.If you understanding of politics and history is so limited to the people in power- you're going to be the worst political scientist ever, because you fail to see past your own nose.

Commenting Carl- Oh Carl, i started off liking you: you made good comments, you weren't abrasive, and you could be funny. But you make a comment after everything, and half the time those comments add nothing to to the discussion. The Proffie isn't giving out bonus points for talking the most, especially when your just echoing what other people have already said. Furthermore, you hijack the time from other people who want to make comments and haven't been steamrolling their opinions over the whole class. You ever heard the phrase "less is more," learn it, love it, live by it. Otherwise i may give you a word limit in class and zap you with a cattle prod when you go over it.

Get Inside My Head

2009-11-15T15:43:00.002-05:00

So after months of debating I finally decided to get Twitter. Now really I can't imagine anyone wants to listen to me ramble all day. I don't even want to listen to me ramble all day. But if you want to see what goes on in an average day for me, you can now find me at: http://twitter.com/Coyote_Rose. Expect tweets about thesis writing, annoying people, my dogs, boring classes, and enough snark to make a person cry. Also, if you ever wondered what the face of a person who would put themselves through this kind of graduate school hell looked like-there is a nifty little picture of me (on a good hair day too!)

the History Chick vs. The Never-Ending Thesis

2009-11-13T22:33:00.003-05:00

I can't even relax for one second this year. It's like as soon as i accomplish one thing there are eight more things that need to be completed. Case in point: After a whole month of pulling my hair out and spending every Saturday on my computer staring at words on a page, I finally finished the second chapter to my thesis. Yay me, right? No.

Not a minute after i handed the second chapter to my advisor he gave me this face. I hate this face. I know it quite well. It's the face of contemplated thought followed by I don't like what she's doing. So after a moment, He finally decides he doesn't want my thesis chapter by chapter. He wants the entire rough draft before he starts making edits. His thought process behind this isn't awful. He simply doesn't want to start making edits before i have an entire completed work because A). he needs to know where i am going and B). because he doesn't want me to be bogged down with edits instead of getting the next chapter done. And i can't argue with that reasoning.

Unfortunately, He also thinks i am going to need almost a whole month of edits. Which means my thesis is no longer due April 1st, but due March 1st now. Which means i have till February to get 70 more pages done- and that's a scary prospect. On top of that, my advisor wants my next chapter for my final paper for the class i am taking with him. I'm not in love with this idea, because i don't want special treatment, but he's adamant about it and he's the boss. But this only gives me 3 weeks to turn out another 15 pages and i don't even have the research ready to write on yet.

So yay me, one chapter done moving onto the next. Sometimes i don't think i have time to breathe.

Glimpse Into My Life

2009-11-05T17:28:00.009-05:00

So I know i've been talking about writing my thesis and the insanity that surrounds it. But you know the old adage a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

Here are actual pictures of my workspace:

Now i know what you are thinking: Doesn't she own a desk? And you are correct I do own a desk, but its in my bedroom and it has my printer on it, so its roughly the same size as my *tiny* kitchen table. Plus there is no tv in my bedroom and I like to have sports or something on in the background while i write. And if that wasn't enough of a distraction. How does anyone expect me to write with this going on:

Yeah, and people wonder why its taking me three weeks to write a 16-page chapter?

My Recurring Nightmare: Finalized PHD List

2009-10-28T21:49:00.002-04:00

So after meeting with my Thesis Advisor and discussing PHD Schools and then rethinking PHD schools and coming up with a new list, my Advisor and I have finalized a list of PHD Schools for me to apply to. Now then fun part begins, all the other crap. But here's a quick rundown of the college's I'm applying to for PHD and when their due dates are:

Georgetown University- Dec 15th
Duke University- Dec 15th
University of Tennessee at Knoxville- Dec 31st
Emory University- Jan 3rd
University of Florida- Jan 15th
University of Kentucky- Jan 15th
Louisiana State University- Jan 15th

I won't lie. I have don't have a prayer of getting into Georgetown or Duke. A small shot in hell at getting into Emory or U. of Tenn. And only a 50/50 chance of getting into the other colleges. But i'm going to do what i have to do to get in, and even if i fail at least I tried. No one will ever say i didn't go after my dreams with both hands. Now lets hope i can afford the process.

Faith In Yourself

2009-10-27T17:08:00.002-04:00

Graduate school is great for crushing your self-esteem. When you are in a room with people who are smarter and more articulate than you everyday, it becomes hard to remember why you're doing this. I have the added issue of a Thesis Advisor I am terrified of. He hard on me, and rightfully so, because if he doesn't push me no one else will. However, I also have a class with this man, and i don't want to screw up what little faith he has in me. But by doing so, I lost faith in myself.

~*~*~*~

One of my friends in Grad school is thinking about quitting. I'm pretty sure he is going to. It something about the way he talks about it that sounds like he is justifying it to himself. I only just met this friend, but he's one of those people i can't imagine my life without now. I am saddened by the fact that he's probably leaving, but i only want him to stay for selfish reasons. I have to have faith that he knows what is best for him.

~*~*~*~

I had to go to my class today with my thesis advisor and lead the class discussion. The last time I did this he pulled me aside after class and told me he was disappointed with my performance. So needless to say i had no faith in myself that i could pull off this discussion. And i coupled that with fear that I'm going to screw up my life and i was basically without any self-esteem. I was talking to my friend before class and he said that he had faith that i would be just fine without him, and just fine in this class. He's right. I will be just fine without him and I did just fine in class. My Advisor wasn't in love with my performance but he said i did a good job, which for me is like a gold star. So i guess the moral of the story is sometimes it's someone else having faith in you that reminds you to have faith in yourself.

The 5-3 Paper Load

2009-10-12T19:06:00.003-04:00

So my second year of grad school just keeps on pushing forward. I'm really only taking 2 grad classes, a foreign language and my thesis hours. And while that doesn't sound like a lot it manages to be nonetheless. So between classes, the Phi Alpha Theta Fundraiser, and Job Hunting I've also had 5 papers due in 3 weeks. Which is just enough to make me an alcoholic.

In the first week: I had a 5 page opinion paper due for my Wiemar Class, then i had a 7-page historiography due for my Jefferson, Jackson and Atlantic world class.

In the second week: I had a 250 word German Essay that actually had to be written in German. I would have rather written a 10 page paper in English, honestly. Then i had a 7 page Book Review due for my Jefferson, Jackson and Atlantic world class complete with 15 minute presentation on said book. I should note, I hate giving reports in class. I always feel like i'm rambling.

Now I'm in the third week: and I have the second chapter to my thesis due by thursday. Now granted i pick when my thesis chapters are due. But considering i've been putting off the second chapter for months, I decided to take fall break to work on it. I did go home and see my family for 2 days. But now I'm back to sift through source material, pull out my hair, and get the next 15 pages of this bitch written.

Because I Need Anymore Stress?

2009-10-08T12:37:00.002-04:00

So for those of you who don't know. I am a member of my School's chapter of Phi Alpha Theta, which is the History Honor Society. I was actually forced in by a friend, but i've come to enjoy it anyways. So we needed fundraiser ideas and as i was lounging poolside over summer break, I came up with a Scavenger Hunt. In all honesty, I ripped the idea off from the University of Chicago. But imitation is the most sincere from a flattery right?

Anyways, the President and VP of the club are friends of mine. We decided it was a good idea and started trying to implement it. Then the insanity started...

We've never tried to plan anything this big before. A University-wide event is a major thing. While coming up with the list was easy. We realized we would need to go around to business for donations for prizes. That's when the real trouble started. The three of us have very different schedules and it's September/October when the first major papers start being due for classes (I've written 3 in 10 days, but that's for another post). So we had trouble getting together. I'm not much of a schmoozer; I hate talking to people i don't know, so i didn't want to do it alone. We couldn't start publicity until we had prizes. It was slowly turning into a nightmare.

Thankfully, I got one of my cute guy friends to assist me and we've managed to get several restaurants, a bookstore, and an ice-skating rink to donate gift cards. We found a trophy shop that gave us a trophy for free. And we are finally starting to get publicity out, which is great because we're holding the event in 2 weeks.

But all of this on top of class and paper writing is enough to make anyone pull their hair out. And that what I need- more stress right?

Down Off the Ledge

2009-09-29T12:04:00.003-04:00

So i had my first official nervous breakdown of the semester last night. I am amazed it took me 6 weeks for it to happen. So one of my Proffies assigned us a 5 page paper on the reading for class. Now 5 pages is nothing. I'm used to writing 10-20 page diatribes, so 5 should be nothing. Except, that was all the instruction he gave us. Read these 7 documents (about 50 pages) and write a 5 page essay on them. Doesn't sound like something that would send me into a crazy fit right?

Wrong. I am a people pleaser especially with proffies where there are grades at stake. So if i don't know what they want me to write i am lost. Which is exactly what happened. The term essay doesn't denote anything. I didn't know what he wanted. Did he want a summary, a review, a historiography, a position piece, etc. I spent a good 3 hours writing 2 1/3 pages only to scratch it and start over because i didn't know what to write. I considered it tantamount to being told to build a house but not knowing what kind: a brick house, wood house, farm house, mansion, cottage etc. 4 hours into writing this paper I had to call my best friend G-fab to talk me off the ledge because i was nearly in tears. For the record i had sent this Proffie an email on Thursday asking for clarification, I got a reply this morning.

Ultimately i fell back on what i was told by a very wise history proffie once: "Pick a position and defend it." So thats what i did i picked a topic and i wrote an argument and defended my opinion. And i started drinking, which amazingly makes you less stressed out about what you have to do. Lets hope this is what my proffie wanted.

Research, Research, Research

2009-09-24T15:32:00.005-04:00

So obviously i have been busy recently with school back into full swing and all. But last week i headed out to Duke University to do thesis research because the 12 volume set of British Documents i need is unavailable at my University. While i was there i stopped in and saw UNC-Sis and did some research there as well (yet another book i needed was there).

So i lucked out living in NC because theres at least 150 colleges in this state, which means there is at least 150 libraries to use as well. So i had never actually been to Duke before and let me tell you I love the campus. It's gorgeous and the buildings are something out of a Victorian fantasy. Don't Believe me? I have pictures (badly taken on my camera phone) to prove it.

The only problem with this? All the buildings look exactly the same so it took me forever to find the library. I did eventually find it (its the picture in the middle) and found the books i needed in the sub-basement. Yes, the basement under the basement is where the History shelves were. I then procedded to take almost 3 hours to photocopy 1 of the 4 books i needed. I didn't need the whole just major documents. I had to return the next day and spent another 4 hours photocopying documents out of the other 3 books. I also spent an hour photocopying chapters out of a book at chapel hill. My total looked like this when i was done:

Hours spent copying: 8
Cost of Copying: $23.00
Cost of Parking Fees: $17.50

On the bright side i have close to 600 pages of documents and text to go through for my thesis. I am shooting for having the 2nd chapter done by next Friday (wish me luck).

Its Sad I Already Need a Vacation

2009-09-07T10:40:00.002-04:00

Than God (or whomever, whatever you worship) for Labor Day weekend. I've seriously only been in class 2 weeks and i already need a break. There is something about coming back to classes from summer that just takes forever to get back into the swing of things. I already feel like I'm letting my Advisor down. Some days i really think he thinks i'm a complete idiot and wonders how he got stuck with me.

Plus I picked up a German Language class. Now I took 4 years of German in undergrad but its been 4 years since I had a class and I don't remember that much. So my Advisor sent me to the head of the German Department who have gave me a placement test and I managed to place into a 4th year German class, much to my surprise. So far I don't feel too far behind, although I have never been good at languages. I'm not even sure I speak English all that well.

On top of that, I've already got annoying people in my Grad classes. I love how people come in, and think they know everything and feel the need to hear themselves talk. It's just obnoxious. Plus they totally monopolize the convo in class, which drives the rest of us crazy because we have to fight to get a word in edgewise. I hate this because I don't feel like I should have to fight to get my opinions heard. But I guess i'll get over it right?

Survival: Year Two

2009-08-26T17:48:00.003-04:00

So i survive my first two classes of my second year of Graduate School. It's always perplexing to me how i'm so excited for classes to start and then so incredibly nervous when i'm actually in them. I'm actually sort of happy with my class choices for this semester. I'm taking: Thesis hours, Wiemar Republic, and Jefferson, Jackson and the Atlantic World. I will also probably be adding a German language class to that itinerary but i haven't met with my advisor yet.

Unfortunately my Wiemar Republic class is taught by my advisor, and he used the class meet-and-greet as an excuse to have me talk about my thesis. Don't get me wrong, I love my thesis topic and its obvious he does too (since he picked it out for me) but i'm quite well aware that nobody else cares about what i'm writing about. Plus i get very intimidated by talking in front of people i don't know. It just makes me very nervous-- i have to learn to get over it right?

Anyways I'm alive and kicking and i think its going to be an interesting year.

Textbook Shopping

2009-08-19T21:45:00.004-04:00

So with new semesters come new class with new textbooks. Now all colleges have bookstores, sometimes two or three and anyone who has ever used them will tell you they will milk every last penny from you. But if you get the opportunity to shop around i suggest going for it. Most of the time you can email the professors about a week or two before classes begin and get the list of textbooks you need for class. Then all you have to do is shop around and find the best deals. I suggest:

Amazon Textbooks-look in the used/new section under the Amazon price. You can get some real deals. I got one of my textbooks that goes for 33 dollars at the bookstore for .99 cents plus $ 3.99 shipping and handling for a grand total of $4.98.

Half.com-This is a subsidiary of Ebay, so they don't have as great of a selection as Amazon and you can't get the books new from them

Textbooks.com- Not as cheap as Amazon or Half but they have a large selection.

I've totally jumped the gun and gotten all but one or two of my textbooks for my fall classes for a whopping $138.00 bucks for 7 books. Which is a good $50-100 bucks less than i would have spent at my school's bookstore.

Advice for Incoming Grad Students

2009-08-12T13:38:00.003-04:00

So I don't go around giving advice to people who don't ask for it. I used to all the time but i got aggravated when people didn't take it and continued living in their stupidity (not to say that i am always right, because i'm not). But i figure this is my blog and less than a dozen people probably read it, so i'll do as i please. Classes are starting in less than 2 weeks for me and countless other colleges. So here is some advice for incoming graduate students:

Don't freak out. It's okay if you are overwhelmed. It's okay if you feel like you're the stupidest person in the room. In fact it is to be expected that you feel that way, most grad students do at one point or the other. It will eventually pass or you will get comfortable feeling this way.

Don't come in think you have any idea what its going to be like. You don't! Grad school is unlike anything you have ever faced before. You were probably the best of the best of your undergrad class, in grad school everyone was the best of the best; which means you are now mediocre.

If a second (third, etc) year tries to help you out and give you advice--take it. Even if you hate the person and think they're idiots, they are trying to help you. Don't think you know everything, be a little humble. These people have been through the wringer once. They know the ins and outs of the department. They know which teachers to avoid and what classes are like. And in small departments if you piss off the wrong 2nd (3rd, etc) year all the other people in your program are going to know about it. You don't want to be blacklisted by your peers before class even starts.

Try to pick your specialty and advisor early. I'm not saying you have to know what you want to write your thesis on the day you walk in there. But don't put off figuring out what area you are interested in. Figure it out and then go to the Proffie that specializes in that (or close to that in my case), ask him/her to be your advisor. Your advisor is there to help you. They may push you along the way but its in your own best interest. I'm terrified of my advisor but i'm further ahead on my thesis than everyone else in my year.

If you feel like your life is spinning out of control and you hate every second of grad school--its okay. The insanity is normal. The question is how bad do you want it and are you willing to stick it out. The first couple months i didn't think i was going to make, I felt like an idiot, I hate every second of it and then the clouds broke and it all made sense again. I ended up making straight A's my first semester after i nearly had a nervous breakdown. Most of the grad students i know felt the same way at one point or another. Just stick it out--you'll do fine.

So good luck to all you first years out there!

Countdown to Classes: 20 days

2009-08-05T16:38:00.005-04:00

So I have 20 days left of freedom until classes resume for my second year of graduate school (master's edition). Which means i have to start cracking down and actually start getting things done, before the insanity of papers and projects and thesis chapters all make me a crazy person. Although, technically i'm already a crazy person for doing this. Most normal people graduate college and go into the work force. I graduate college, go into the work force, hate real life and go back to school. In reality, i'm just avoiding being an adult, because i believe its optional.

So i had resolutions that i intend to keep this summer, and thus far i have completed just one of them: Organize my office/desk. In fairness, I have also worked on my PHD applications, my German and did some (albeit not alot) of thesis research. So i at least did something productive this summer besides getting a tan (and its a very nice one at that). But I'm going to have to buckle down in these last 3 weeks and get significantly more done or my Thesis advisor may kick my ass, and heck i'd deserve it.

On the bright side, I should have alot more to post about...

My Recurring Nightmare: Where To Go?

2009-07-19T17:16:00.007-04:00

So even though i have been seriously slacking off over the summer on just about everything i intended to do, I have been putting together my list of PHD schools. It's not an easy task. I have to find a school i think will take me that has a professor that studies what i study. Plus there are always extenuating circumstances: like do i really want to move to the West Coast (I've been an East Coast Girl my whole life); Or can i really take my puppies to NYC? But i'm narrowing down the list. Right now colleges go into one of two piles: Definitely's and Maybe's.

On my Definitely's list:

Emory University (Atlanta, GA)
University of Tennessee (Knoxille, TN)
University of Florida (Gainesville, FL)
University of Chicago (Chicago, IL)

And my Maybe's List:

Cornell University (Ithaca, NY)
New York University (NYC, NY)
Duke University (Durham, NC)
University of Virginia (Charlottesville, VA)

But school shopping continues. I need to meet with my advisor because he may have schools i didn't think of, or he might not think one is going to be a good fit. I should have my definitive list done by September. Otherwise I'm really going to be behind the curve of getting my applications out.

What a Lazy Bitch!

2009-06-08T16:44:00.004-04:00

I wish I could claim that I've done anything in the month since i last updated. But i haven't, not even close. I have basically spent the last month being a completely lazy bitch. I sleep in till 11 each day. I veg out watching tv and reading trashy chick-lit. I have, however, gotten tan for the first summer in about 6 years. So yay me!

This isn't to say i haven't done anything. I've been working on my PHD list. I'm up to seven and i want to get to ten and then cut to the list down to six. But i want my advisors input and he won't be back till july.

I have been slowly working on my German. It's amazing how much i actually remember from Undergrad. It's still challenging but i'm getting there slowly. As far as my thesis goes, I got an A- on the first chapter (YAY!) but i haven't looked at it since. I haven't even picked up my sources. I am planning a trip to see one of my sisters so that i can spend some hours in a college library there getting my source material together.

So the lazy bitch is working on it...

Over...Its All Over

2009-05-08T18:27:00.005-04:00

Done. Finished. Over. Completed. My first year of graduate school is officially finished. It's kind of a scary prospect because it means i only have one more year to get everything done before going onto phd. But for right now I'm excited, no more books to read, no more papers to research or write, no more classes where i have to regurgitate information. I know it sounds like i hate this stuff... but i don't really. I actually enjoy parts of it, but you can only do it for so many months in a row before its overkill.

That doesn't mean i get to relax over the summer. Sure, this first week or so i'm going to tan, sleep, read fiction novels (*Gasp*), take my dog to the park and just enjoy all the things i haven't gotten to do in awhile. Then its back to work for me.

So my Resolutions for Summer:

Become fluent in German
Work on my French
Finish the research for my thesis
Get the second chapter written
Organize my office/desk
Get my PHD school applications together

I may actually have to work harder over the summer than i did during the school year. I take donations of alcohol and chocolate...

Like Watching a Lamb Get Led to Slaughter

2009-04-30T21:56:00.006-04:00

So Ancient Civ Chick and I went to a friend's thesis defense last week. Just a little background on this friend: He's another ancient civilizations historian. He does military history (you either love it or hate it), and he's kind of brilliant. I mean totally nice down to earth guy, but really smart and he shows it. He's one of the few grad students they actually let teach in our department (in fact he's the only one i know of) There are people in the department with us, who kind of treat him like he's a demi-god. ACC has seriously heard girls in the department say "OMG, he's so brilliant, no one could ever do what he does." ACC tends to throw up in her mouth at that point. They seriously lick his ass and ask if they can have the honor to do it again.

Moving on. So ACC and I went to his thesis defense because in our department it's open to anyone who wants to come. So we've never been to a thesis defense before, but we kind of have an idea what its going to be like. We'll we had the basics right. I mean you go in. Your committee is sitting there and you give a basic overview of your research and where it fits into the field.

And then they bludgeon you with everything they have. Seriously, i don't have words to express the wringer they put you through. It's a bloodbath. Now the three proffies he had on his committee, should under no circumstances be anywhere near mine (due to different areas, and because they're scary). They picked apart every sentence in his 100+ page thesis. I saw one of their copies of the thesis, it was covered in red marks. They didn't like his writing, his translations, his source material, the color of his hair, and the maps he used. It was the brutal, and he had to do in front of other students. ( I won't lie, I didn't have a fucking clue what he was talking about. Further proof that Historians don't know everything). ACC and i were talking after they kicked us out and we're both scared for our lives now. I always knew it would be intense. I just didn't think it was going to a public raping.

For the record, he passed the defense not that there was any chance he wouldn't (he got into a great PHD school already) but i think he was even a little put back by how rough it was.

Almost Done...Yet So Far To Go

2009-04-28T18:37:00.004-04:00

So you might remember my complaining about paper-writing stress recently. Well two down one to go. I finished my historiography for Renaissance last Friday just under the wire. I then jetted off 4 hours across the state to hit up a Fall Out Boy concert (don't snicker, we all have bands other people don't understand... or musical genres). I then spent 6-7 hours at a concert and post-concert sobering up, only to then hit the road to drive 4 hours back Saturday morning.

Upon waking up, I immediately set to work on my research paper for Colonial American History. Now i've been doing the research for this paper for weeks, so theoretically all i should have to do is write the paper right? Yeah, No. I spend all day Saturday organizing the source material, writing an outline, and trying to decide what my actual thesis was going to be. The problem with research papers is that i have to try to prove something on material. And since nothing in history can ever be proven fully true, i'm skeptical of everything i write because obviously i know where the fallacy in my argument is. So i get up sunday morning at 8 a.m. to write this paper. I write all day sunday. I take off work early monday to continue writing and i write untill 3 am and my eyes feel like they are bleeding. My arms hurts from rubbing against the desk and i still have 3 pages left to write, and i'm running out of things to talk about. I get four hours of sleep before i get up to go back to work where i push through the last three pages (by inserting a page long map) and then edit until i have to turn it in. Now i really like the topic of this paper (Anglo-dutch colonial tensions and the capture of New Netherlands) but by this afternoon, I never wanted to look at this paper again.

2/3rd of the way done and i'm ready to throw my computer out the window. I had a professor once tell a class of grad students that,

"if you didn't like writing, You're in the wrong profession."

So i will keep on trucking through the weekend, writing away tirelessly on the first chapter of my thesis which is due on Monday. Although i'm taking a break Saturday night to celebrate my birthday. The only thing that keeps me going at this point is sheer tenacity and the will power to get through my first year.

Would You Shut Up Already?

2009-04-22T08:58:00.005-04:00

I think its been long enough since i laid some verbal smackdown on an unsuspecting undergrad (not like they read my blog anyways, right?) So Ancient Civ Chick discussed Brown Nose Mcgee on her blog. Well I'm going to discuss Johnny Know-It-All. There is always one of these in every class. Some self-righteous pretentious know it all, which would be fine if they kept it to themselves but they don't. They feel the need to make sure everyone in the class knows that they know everything about everything about some random subject. I've got one in my undergrad class right now. My Johnny Know-it-All seems to be into military history. Military history seems to actually be the where the Know-it-alls seems to hang out, which is a shame because military history is interesting and they ruin it.

Anyways, Johnny loves to hijack class discussing anything he possibly can about guns and troop movement. My Proffie will show a picture of a gun boat and ask a simple question, which will then lead to Johnny going on and on and on for the rest of the class about the turrets and the positioning and how it led the (enter army here) to win such and such battle. He will actually talk over my Proffie to show off just how much he knows about the subject. My poor Proffie tries to change the subject but to no avail. Johnny is like one of those clapping monkeys. Once he starts talking about his subject dejour, he never fucking shuts up about it. The precious little snowflake that he is can't take it if anyone else knows more than him about his chosen subject. He totally derails class about something 3/4 of the class doesn't give a shit about. What amazes me about Johnny Know-It-All is that he loves his subject so much that he jacks off to it, but he knows absolutely not a damn thing about anything else. Simple questions about political or social history? Couldn't answer them if the answers were written on the blackboard (and they were one day in class and the whole class sat in silence, while my Proffie got irate they couldn't figure out an easy answer). Who would the Russians sign an alliance with after their treaty with the Germans expired in 1905? He couldn't tell you to save his life, but once someone else answers correctly; He feels the need to piggyback on their intelligence and answer why it was such a bad thing for German troop movements. (FYI, the Russians sign an alliance with France, which leads to a two front war in 1914)

What i love is that when Johnny Know-It-All is talking half the class is rolling their eyes. My fellow grad students and I are snickering in the Grad Student Ghetto. It makes me wonder what proffies think about these students? Do they find them as annoying as we do?

* For those who don't know the picture in the up-hand right is Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter. If you've never seen the show, the teacher would always ask a question and Horshack would always throw his hand up and waves while screaming "Ooh-ooh-ooooh! Mr. Kotter, Mr. Kotter!"

Ever been the stupidest person in a room?

2009-04-20T09:08:00.007-04:00

So another glorious week as a grad student and another glorious week to be an idiot. I had to go to a conference over the weekend at my Alma mater. The conference was on almost exactly what it is I study, and my Advisor basically told me and my fellow Grad Student that we were going to this conference. Especially considering we are holding this conference next year and I will be working on it.

So i drive 4 hours out to my Undergrad U. and walk through the door for check in. Not 3 seconds in, one of my Fav undergrad Proffies comes up and starts making fun of me. It's okay he's allowed. He only had to put up for me for 3 years; I deserve any teasing i get from him. I was a pain in the butt as an undergrad (I say that like I'm not a pain in the ass now). Anyways after check-in, I retreat to where my partner in crime is hiding out in the back of the room (AKA the grad student ghetto). The conference starts with the keynote speaker, a Proffie from West Point.

The conference rolls on that night and into the next day and besides me, my partner in crime, and about 4 other grad students, everyone there was a professor-who had written multiple best-selling books, who could already speak german, and had some idea what everyone else was talking about. I have never felt so out of place in my whole life. These people were accomplished, intelligent, and I felt like a complete moron around them. This isn't to say they were nice to me, because they were, but i felt like a five-year-old in a room of Einstiens. I apsire to be like these people one day, but it was pretty clear I'm not there yet. I did, however, learn alot and there were some really interesting topics (Toy makers and the War Movement, Film and Memory). The round-table discussion was awesome cause i had never seen academics in a throwdown intellectual wrestling match before. All in all it was worth my time, but hopefully next year I will understand what they are talking about.

Types of Proffies

2009-04-15T10:41:00.006-04:00

So a few years back Something Awful posted a list of the 99% of people you will ever meet in college, and i haven't found them to be wrong yet. Although, I tend to see myself as a mix of a couple of them (THE SILENT, STRAIGHT-LACED GEM/THE R.A./THE 1 HIT WONDER). If you've never seen it, I'm pretty sure its floating around Facebook. Anyways it got me thinking about the type of Professors you meet in the History department. And I've come up with a couple of the stereotypical types you find. I should note that all professors don't fit into these categories but most do.

Crazy Feminist- This professor is typically a women's, or social historian. Everything comes back to women and how they were oppressed forever. They can make a class about the French Revolution into the how the women overthrew the tyrannical male domination and saved society before castrating a bunch of men. They can make and will make everything a feminist rant.

Liberal Ranter- Much like the Crazy Feminist, the liberal ranter will go on and on and on about how Democrats are the best thing ever. They will push their ideological agendas throughout the class with the Democrats always being right and the Republican/Whigs/anyone else being wrong forever. They are neither fair nor balanced about their love for FDR and how he saved soceity.

I Love (insert historical figure here)- Typically these professors are Lincoln buffs, but they can also be fans of Kennedy, Churchill or another important historical figure. They love these historical figures so much they can do no wrong. They drool when they discuss their figure in class and you wonder if they masturbate to their pictures at night. Anyone who dares to disagree that Lincoln/Kennedy/Churchill/etc wasn't the most fabulous person to ever exist ever is wrong and likely to make them angry.

Token Black Guy- much like the Crazy Feminist and the Liberal Ranter, the Token Black guy loves African/ African-American history. They define everything that ever happened in the history of the world to Africans and their influence. These proffies are typically angry about the years of oppression and hard as hell on their students.

Former Hippie- This proffie has been in the department forever. They tend to be laid-back and cool as hell. They grew up in 60's and remember the original Woodstock. They have fun teaching class and make the class enjoyable. They have a great sense of humor and are willing to see various sides of the discussion. These are the kinds of proffies you go out and have a drink with after class.

The Old Fogey- like the Former Hippie, The Old Fogey has been in the department forever. They tend to be straight-laced kind of teachers. The kind that would probably turn pink if someone made a sex joke in class. They have a lot to offer but then tend to be reserved and very professional.

The Young Buck- A younger proffie that still remembers what it was like to be in college. They tend to not be as rehearsed as other professors, sometimes stumbling and tripping over their words. They know alot and are generally easy to talk to, but they are still making their way up in the profession.

The Ridiculously Intelligent Guy- This proffie is super super smart. They talk way over the IQ level of their students. Tends to ask a 20 minute question so by the time he finishes, students have no idea what the question was. These proffies are social and helpful, but their classes are super hard because they assign reading material, that is hard for them, to students who only understand every 3rd word.

Really, They're a Professor?-Best type of proffie. These are typically adjuncts or visiting professors. Because they don't have a permanent position and they aren't likely to get one for a couple years, they are totally laid-back and cool as shit. They don't care what you think about them and will totally speak their minds about anything. They tend to be easy to relate to as well. Other proffies tend to call them "bad influences" partly as a joke and partly because they are.

Now again, this is not every single professor. And lets be honest all these proffies love their subject, because none of them would have put themselves through the 5-10 years of hell that is graduate school if they didn't really love what they were doing. Doesn't mean we can't make fun of them for it though.

*Artwork from Bill Porter designs

Why Do You Want Me?

2009-04-13T12:22:00.005-04:00

I subscribe to the Annie Hall/ Grouch Marx field of thought when it comes to clubs:

"I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member."

And it pains me to use that quote because i hate Annie Hall. In fact i pretty much hate Woody Allen films in general. I had to watch it for an Undergrad Film class i took, and while i loved the class i didn't not love all the movies in it, but i digress...

So even though i'm not big on clubs, I recently joined my schools chapter of Phi Alpha Theta (PAT). Before anyone freaks out that i joined a sorority, PAT is the fraternity for History Students. I'm under the impression there is no singing, backstabbing or snobbery associated with this group. Before anyone gets the impression that i somehow hate the Greek system, let me reassure you that i was friends with a few (read like 2) sorority girls and my undergrad-Ex was in a Fraternity. But the majority of Sorority girls i met were the most two-faced, backstabbing bitches. I seriously saw them talk trash about everyone including my Ex.

Moving on, So i joined PAT. Although, i should mention i did it under duress. Ancient Civ Chick threatened to beat the crap out of me if i didn't join. Something about if she has to be tortured, I have to be tortured too (got to love my friends?) . Even though i won't formally be inducted until next year (I have to be out of town during induction this year) I not totally opposed to it. I mean i'm friends with 3/4 of the members anyways. Plus they seem like a fun bunch. The guys in the group get together to play like Risk and other simulation/battle/warrior games. While i have no intention of playing, I will probably go watch and laugh (and make fun of them).

Plus it looks good on my resume and thats all that matters right?

I Think My Department Hates Me

2009-04-09T11:55:00.003-04:00

I'm seriously starting to think that my History department hates. I think they are subconsciously trying to run me out of the department. Lets be honest, I'm an easy target for them. I'm female, republican, mostly poor and eager to please. I'm like a dog waiting to be smacked around. This is what the department has done to me in this semester.

1. Scholarship- the secretary of the History department mass emailed graduate scholarships to the entire department. I spend 3 weeks writing my prospectus for submission for said scholarships because my thesis advisor thought it was a good idea (and he was right). I work my butt off, turn in a lousy paper to another class because i'm working my butt off on my prospectus. Only a week after i turn my prospectus in for submission for the scholarships do i find out there is no longer funding for the scholarships. Worst of all they decided winners (in title only) and I won the scholarship.

2. Assistantships- So i currently work for the school's library as a grad assistant. I love my job at the library but the project i work on is a grant project and the money runs out at the end of the semester. I put in my name with the History department to be a Teaching Assistant next fall for a professor. The head of the department assures me I am the second name on the list. I got an email today stating that they are unable to extend a position to me next semester to work in the History department.

3. Conference- So my Thesis Advisor is planning a conference to be held at my school next spring and he has basically said that i am going to be working on it heavily. He wanted me to be his or the other professor's TA next semester so that i could work on it. Because there is no TA position for me, I am know working on this conference pro bono aside from how it will look on my resume. Because the two professors are in fact professors and therefore have papers to grad and classes to teach, I will probably be doing most of the work on this while trying to take class.

4. Teaching- outside of TA'ing, they do occasionaly let a few Grad students teach actual classes. Unfortunalty for me and Ancient Civ Chick, they hired two new professors for the fall and are no longer allowing students to teach. Both ACC and myself had our names in the hat to teach next semester and now neither of us are going to get the chance. At least ACC has a TA position to fall back on.

Now, i know the first two issues are because of the economy and its not the history departments fault, but it doesn't make it suck any less for me. I've been working my ass off this year and i'm starting to feel like nothing is paying off. I just need something to go right. These the kind of circumstances i always find myself in before i kick myself in the ass and start going after what i want. There is something to be said for being a tenacious bitch.

So I've Been MIA

2009-04-07T09:07:00.006-04:00

So i realized today that i've been MIA [missing in (in)action] recently. I'm sure the all of about 4-6 people who may or may not read this blog have been just heartbroken about it. I'd love to tell you i had something really cool going on, but i don't.

Not to say i haven't been busy though. It's crunch time for me. There is about 3-4 weeks left in the semester and I've been having a nervous breakdown. Only 3-4 weeks left in my first year of grad school and i have so much work to do and not enough time to do it right now. In the History dept. instead of giving finals, they give us papers. So right now i have three 12-25 page papers that will be due before the second week of may (one doesn't have a definite due date yet). Just to give you a clue about what i'm working on these are the 3 paper topics:

A 12-15 Historiography about the Renaissance in Germany.
A 15-20 research paper about the Anglo-Dutch Wars
A 15-20 Historiography about Anglo-German relations prior to the First World War (this is actually the first chapter of my thesis)

Needless to say I don't have nearly enough research done for any of the three. I have research sitting out in various piles on furniture (because my dog would eat them if they were on the floor) that has to be sorted through for relevance. On top of that: I still have readings to do for my classes; I'm going to a German History conference in 2 weeks; I have to plan for my 25th Birthday (yes, I'm freaking out); and then there is my job/dog/life . So my life is busy but not particularly interesting this time of year. Hence, the reason there hasn't been too many posts. Don't worry though, I imagine i will have plenty of things to gripe about in the upcoming weeks.

I Love Smug People: My Trip to Gettysburg

2009-03-16T10:26:00.009-04:00

So over spring break my best friend G-Fab (otherwise known as Geoff the Fabulous) and i went on a roadtrip. So on our long drive up the East Coast, we decided (rather i demanded) to stop at Gettysburg. I've never been there and having gone to school in the south, the Civil War is like a mandatory issue to cover every year. So we arrive in Gettyburg, PA around 5:30 and we take the detour to the visitors center. We start walking up to the building and museum and a man coming out stops us to tell us the building is closed. The employee (apparently) feels the need to tell us that not only is the building closed but that the park closes at 7 (which we already knew) that the maps for the tour are inside the building, and that its best for us to just come back tomorrow since we can drive around all we want but we would have no idea what we were looking at. (I am not kidding you, that it what he told us).

Now listen, I am working on my masters in History. G-Fab and I both have our Bachelors in History. While neither of us are American Historians, it is practically mandatory to take a Civil War class in history departments in the south. I ended up taking two. I wrote my undergraduate thesis on the battle of Antietam creek. I know enough about the battle of Gettysburg to probably give the tour myself. So it took everything in me to not tell this smug arrogant guy that i was quite capable of knowing what i was looking at and that he could shove it up his rear-end.

But G-Fab and I let the guy leave before we rolled our eyes at him and decided to drive around anyways. This wasn't hard since they have a driving tour of Gettysburg that is clearly marked. So we drove around and looked out monuments. Because we spent entirely too much time driving in a car, both G-Fab and i were a little restless when we got out to walk around. This is me shooting at G-Fab from behind a rock. And yes, I realize it is time to get my hair dyed again, my roots are awful in this picture.

Here's G-Fab playing dead on the field. Note the flip-flops even though it was like 40 degrees outside in Pa and the wind was howling. Seriously when we got to the top of little round-top i thought i was in the center of a hurricane. We finally found little round-top around 6-ish (Pictured above). For those who don't know little round-top was one of the major famous battle scenes in Gettysburg. It was held by the army of the Potomac and Col. Joshua Chamberlain of Maine. I suggest if you don't know anything about this battle to read The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara or if your too lazy to watch the movie Gettysburg, which is based on the book.

We found cemetery ridge too, which is famous for Pickett's charge; an infantry assault up a hill that ended up being a bloody fiasco for the south. Seriously, the assault is considered a blood bath by most, again if you'd like to see it in action rent Gettysburg. After about an hour we left, mostly due to heavy winds, the park closing soon and the fact that we still had almost 3 hours to go before our final destination. But it was fun, even if the smug jerk tried to dissuade us.

Spring Break Can't Get Here Soon Enough

2009-03-06T10:34:00.006-05:00

So the last 2 weeks have been downright hellacious for me. I've been working my butt off. I don't feel like i'm getting anywhere, and i have zero motivation to do anything. Even the things i used to enjoy doing, like research, have lost all luster for me. Add that to the fact that i've been getting pulled in like 4 directions.

Then there has been all the bad news i've recieved. The scholarship I've been working overtime to get my prospectus ready for (like 12 hours, i rewrote it like 4 times) now has no funding, which is great to find out after I turned it in. I got my lowest grade in graduate school yet, which was a c+. I haven't made a c since German II my sophomore year of undergrad. And getting a C is like getting an F in graduate school. It's the grade they give you when you turned in anything. Plus it almost assures that I won't get an A in this class, and i need straight A's. Not only because i have to apply to PHD schools, but because if i want to teach in the fall I have to have a 4.0. They don't accept a B in this department.

Which means when i get back from spring break i have to work even harder in this class to make up for that C. My proffie made a baseball metaphor when we talked during a meeting, and it got me thinking. For those of you who don't know i'm a huge Yankee's fan and i realized i've been a Jorge Posada. It's great when i show up to class and i typically do well, but bottom of the 9th, tying run on 2nd, I am not the kind of player you want up to bat. I'm not a Derek Jeter. I'm not a clutch player, i don't come through big when it counts. So thats going to be what i work on over spring break; being a clutch player.

As for spring break, I'm going home for 3 days, then to my Best Friends for 4 days. I should find plenty of time to get work done in that time right? Either way i'm taking a day or two to recoup. I need the break.

UPDATE: I ran into the head of the History Grad Students and upon suggestion, the school decided to award the scholarships in title only. So i technically won my scholarship, I'm just not getting any money for it. Hey, at least i can put it on a resume now.

Fraud Syndrome

2009-03-02T14:14:00.008-05:00

So the vast majority of Graduate Students i have met (myself included) have some form of Impostor/Fraud Syndrome. What is Impostor Syndrome?

The Impostor Syndrome, sometimes called Impostor Phenomenon or Fraud Syndrome, is a syndrome where sufferers are unable to internalize their accomplishments. It is not an officially recognized psychological disorder but has been the subject of numerous books and articles by psychologists and educators.

Regardless of what level of success they may have achieved in their chosen field of work or study or what external proof they may have of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced internally they do not deserve the success they have achieved and are actually frauds. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they were more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.

This syndrome is thought to be particularly common among women who are successful in their given careers and is typically associated with academics. It is also widely found among graduate students.*

Just about every grad student i know has this. The ones who don't either think the sun shines out of their rear-ends or are too stupid to be in graduate school (I don't know how they got here in the first place). So this is completely normal. It doesn't make you feel any less stupid on a daily basis, but it does help knowing everyone else goes through it. Talking to the other people in my classes about it, I came to find that the people who i think are so smart, do just as bad on papers and feel just as ridiculous as i do. In fact i do better than some of them on written works, i just don't speak as eloquently as they do. This doesn't make me feel any smarter. I still think that I'm a complete idiot most days; especially days when i have my Renaissance class because that class makes me feel like a frickin moron. But it's a nice consolation that at least i'm not alone.

* From Wikipedia. Yes, i am aware i'm citing Wikipedia. Shut up.

I Couldn't Make This Shit Up

2009-02-28T20:56:00.005-05:00

So this isn't normally what i talk about on this blog, but when i got this email from my college i couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about stupid people. So some background info on yours truly, during Undergrad i was an Resident Advisor. Not only was i an RA, i was THE RA. I was like the frickin queen of that job. I truly miss it because it was something i was really good at. But i digress. So i got this in an email:

two rooms on the first floor of *Resident Hall X* were reported to have been entered by an unknown person and items were removed while the rooms were occupied during the early morning hours. The doors to the rooms were unsecured. Some personal items were taken from the rooms. The occupants were asleep and were not woken up by anyone entering the rooms.

So where do i even start with this? The first FAIL was these stupid undergrads leaving their door unlocked at night. I know what you are thinking; they live in a secure residence hall why should they lock their doors? Because these buildings are never as secure you think they are. The problem is stupid undergrads let anyone and everyone in the building. The second FAIL is that when someone opened their door and walked in they didn't wake up. My dog can't get off my bed without waking me up. I'm pretty sure if someone walked into my room it would get my attention. I'm assuming these kids were drunk and leaving it at that.

Everything is Better in Song right?

2009-02-25T09:00:00.002-05:00

So I'm doing a Cartoon Nostalgia series over at my personal blog. And it got me thinking about this video. My high school history teacher used to play it for us everyday in AP US History (yes, i was a history nerd even in High School). And while some of the history in the video isn't totally correct (Jefferson's wife was in VA when he wrote the Declaration in Philly), it is still a good way to learn all the US President in order. You never know when you might need to know this on Jeopardy right? The video is a little outdated being two presidents behind, but i think you can figure out who they are. The song is from the cartoon Animaniacs, which was an awesome cartoon from the 1990's with alot of social satire.

Conference Hell: Part 2

2009-02-22T12:14:00.003-05:00

Last time on The History Chick: History Chick and Ancient Civ Chick (ACC) were asleep during the most boring paper presentations ever given, surrounded by pretentious ass Grad Students who need to stroke their own egos. The saga continues...

So the first session finally ends and ACC and I run to get muffins and coffee because if the next session is anything like the first we aren't going to make it through the day. The second session was actually better it was two intellectual German historians. One seriously looked like he was a five-year-old in an adult body (which is great for when he's older, but i wanted to give him a lollipop), but he really knew what he was talking about and he was interesting which is half the battle. The second guy was really funny even though i had a hard time figuring out what he was getting at (he talked about Hegel and Schopenhauer). I found out at the end it was like his introduction to his thesis, so then i understood why i didn't understand where he was going with it. But at least these two guys were enjoyable to listen to.

So then its lunch break and ACC and I can't figure out where we are supposed to go, but eventually we see people with food boxes and just follow them. One of the perks on conferences is the free food because in all honesty, that is sometimes the only reason for going. So we grab lunch and sit down at a table and five minutes later these three older people (meaning older than us so like 28-35) sit down at our table and proceed to discuss how hard their colleges are and how smart they are. ACC and I try really hard not to roll our eyes at these people. Then we look at the itinerary and notice that the next session the two choices are feminism or industrialization. Since we hate both of those things (even though we are chicks) we opt to skip the next session and hang out in the city. We of course get lost along the way but we ended up walking downtown by museums and it had to be more fun than the session. We found this great used books and records store and it made us wish we had one where we lived (it even had back issues of Playboy, which i giggled about for like 5 minutes).

So then we make it back for the last session because the paper topics didn't look awful. So were sitting there and these two women sit down in front of us and proceed to talk during the entire session. I mean talking at an audible level where we can hear them, they keep leaning over so they are obstructing our view, and the stuff they were saying about the presenters was just mean. I think at one point ACC and I wanted to lean over and tell them to STFU because it was being rude and distracting us. But we didn't because both women had 5 inches and probably 10 pounds on us, although ACC and I are scrappy we probably could have took them. But we didn't want to be any ruder to the presenters than this women were already being.

The very last presenter wins the History Chick Presenter of the Conference Award. He gave a paper about the origins of the Hell's Angels complete with slideshow. Unlike every other presenter he didn't read his paper, he walked around a talked while clicking through the pictures. Btw, any slideshow that starts with a picture of the Fonz is a winner in my book. It was really really interesting although i still wanted to smack those women in the back of the heads the entire time.

All in all the conference was a wash. There were some really really boring presentations and the people were a little uppity. But now i have an idea of what not to do when/if i present a paper next year. Plus free lunch and it looks good on a resume/cv and it never hurts to do a little padding to that.

Conference Hell: Part 1

2009-02-22T11:47:00.007-05:00

So one of my Grad School buddies (Ancient Civ Chick) and I went to a History conference this Saturday up the road at another college (NC is like college central. There are more colleges than hospitals). We get up at 5:30 in the morning to get ready because its an hour and half drive from where we go to school to this get to the conference. And we still leave late because we're chicks and we take forever.We manage to get to the city in good time but the we get lost trying to find the building on campus. Which i blame google maps for because they told us to make a left onto a street that is one way in the other direction. So then we circle around campus like three time trying to find this other road that the building is on. We eventually find the road and the building only to find out they moved it to another building. Luckily some nice ROTC guys pointed us in the right direction (Thank you Boys, if i forget to tell you)

Now i had a major bone to pick with the conference before we even left. We had signed up for this conference weeks ago, never got confirmation emails. They never sent itineraries. I had to find the conference website to find out what time we were supposed to be there, and even then i didn't know if that was the time the conference started or if that's when check-in started. They never gave directions to the building. This was not the first time this school had put on this conference either. So i kind of had to wonder who was running this show. I'm going to another conference in April (at my alma-mater funnily enough) and they already have the interary listed on the website.

So we finally get there and the welcome desk doesn't even welcome us (really lets not pick the fridged bitches to run check-in). We get our itineraries and have to rush to make the first session. So this is a graduate student conference; meaning other graduate students are presenting papers. This isn't like a bunch of professionals who know what they are doing. So the first session was boring. I think at one point my eyes glazed over and i was actually asleep (so were two other girls in the back row). The presenters really loved their subjects, and it showed. It just really hard to understand what the hell they were talking about. One actually had pictures, which is always helpful . One caveat: if you are presenting a paper and the rest of the room has no idea what you are talking about try to make your thesis really clear. Because i never actually figured out what the second presenter was talking about. Then there is some commentary and a Q&A. Which is basically a cue for all the pretentious people to ask question to make themselves sound smarter (there is always one).

To Be Continued....

Mental Block: Prospectus Writing

2009-02-16T14:08:00.006-05:00

So my thesis advisor wants me to write my prospectus. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term: a Prospectus is basically an outline of what your thesis is going to be about, how you intend to do it, why you are doing it, and how it will fit into the field.

Now i've only been working on my thesis for about 6 weeks between my 3 classes and my job, which is not a whole lot of time. And the only reason my advisor wants my thesis this early is that so we can review it for scholarships, because the deadlines for those are at the end of February. So my advisor launched all this on me a week ago, giving me one week to write my thesis and then another 6 days to revise it before it's due for scholarship applications. The thing is I'm not ready to write it. I knew when he told me to write it that i wasn't ready, but being afraid of my advisor I'm not about to tell him that. I spent all weekend doing research in the library and trying to get something together so that i can write my prospectus. The problem isn't what i am writing on or how i am going to go about it. I know both of those things. I haven't had enough time to do the historiography of the subject to know how it is going to fit into the field.

The thing is, i'm pretty sure this is just a mental block. If i actually sat down and stopped freaking out about it for like 10 minutes i could probably write it fine. It's just that i don't feel ready so i'm putting a mental block on everything surrounding this paper. I have to remind myself that it is just a paper like any other and that it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be done.

My Love/ Hate Relationship with Primary Sources

2009-02-10T13:03:00.002-05:00

So any good historian will tell you that primary sources are the key to everything. You can't really write a research paper without them (even in undergrad). For those of you who don't know what a Primary Source is, it's basically a source (newspaper, diary, manuscript, paper) written about something during the time it was occurring. So if i wanted to do a paper on what people thought during the Kennedy assassination, I would look at newspaper articles from November 1963. As opposed to a secondary source which would be like a book analyzing what people thought about the Kennedy Assassination using primary sources published in 1995; basically secondary sources use primary sources.

I admit to having a love/hate relationship with primary sources. I love finding them, especially when there like actual letters (or photocopied ones) or dairies. I get such a neat little thrill out of seeing someones handwriting from 1776. Plus, its a little like being a sneaky 5-year-old trying not to get caught reading your mother's mail like I'm some sort of amateur sleuth. Even though no one is going to yell at me for doing it. You never know what you're going to find in a primary source and sometimes its more fun than others. But its a way to delve into people's past and get to know them and what society was like during that period.

On the flipside, I hate trying to find primary sources. They are far and few between. Sometimes i'll get lucky and find a whole cache of them scanned online and easily searchable to work with. But for the most part it consists of me flipping through books, microfilm, and scouring the internet to find one document i can work with for a paper. Because even though i might find John Adams letters from 1760-1800, it doesn't mean that anything he wrote will be usable in my paper on battle movements during the revolutionary war. Even worse, the further back in history you go the less primary material there is to work with. Things get destroyed and lost over time. So currently i am spending countless hours scouring through world cat and various libraries trying to find sources from 1671-1674 in the American colonies. Let me tell you, printing presses were not something the settlers brought with them when they migrated to the new world. And i can't even imagine a world without computers.

My Recurring Nightmare: Cost Analysis

2009-02-03T09:40:00.006-05:00

More Graduate School math for you:

6(Application fee) + 12(transcripts x # institutions you've attended) + 6(additional GRE Score reports)= Broke
+ Time and Energy - Sanity + # hours writing personal statements + #(Proffies needed for recommendations) - Finishing your thesis = Nervous Breakdown

I meant to put this in my post about how many schools that i was applying to, but in retrospect its better in its own post anyways. So not only does applying for graduate school take time and effort is also fucking expensive. Not nearly as expensive as actually going to college but it is going to set me back several hundred dollars. Which is why if you are thinking about going to grad school, you need to know that even if you don't get in you are going to feel broke just from applying. Lets break down the cost analysis:

Application Fees- Every college you apply to wants an application fee. They typically run between 50-75 dollars (each school's fee is different). So if you are applying to 6 schools at $ 60 a piece thats $ 360 just to get schools to look at your applications.

Transcripts- Any college worth going to is going to want to look at your academic transcript. Most of them want 2 copies of it from each school. In my case that is 12 transcripts. My colleges charge $ 5 per transcript so thats another 60 bucks right there (not to mention they sometimes charge processing fees too).

GRE Score Reports- If your stuck in a liberal arts major chances are you are going to have to take the GRE. When you take the test they offer to send your scores to 5 institutions for free. Now if you need additional score reports after those 5 it's $20 a piece. So since i'm applying again and all my schools need my reports so that another $120 dollars. Not to mention just taking the GRE sets you back $150 and I may need to take it again (because it didn't suck enough the first time).

Total: $540 just to apply to 6 PHD Schools. Which is why if you should think long and hard before you decide to do this. 540 dollars is like buying a brand new TV. If you really want it, the cost doesn't matter. If your aren't committed $540 should turn you away.

That doesn't even add in the countless hours it takes writing and rewriting personal statements (because you have to modify it for each school), getting Proffies to write your recommendations, time it takes to fill out the applications and decide which writing sample to send. Which is why a nervous breakdown is always necessary when filling out applications. Another one is expected while you wait to hear back from the schools.

My Recurring Nightmare: How Many Schools Do I Apply To?

2009-02-02T09:34:00.008-05:00

So my recurring nightmare continues. Phase 1 is always figuring out where i am going to apply to. When i was in High School i only applied to two undergraduate institution (yes, i was cocky bitch) and i got into both. But my High School resume was vastly different from my Undergrad resume. So how many colleges am i applying to? I find 6 is the magic number. The breakdown as such:

2 Really good schools I only have a small prayer of getting into
2 Schools i should get into
2 Schools that would be lucky to have me

Or in other words: Two really name brand schools, two middle of the road schools and two fallback schools. The system works out well because if you are a fairly good student you should get into at least 3 schools and then you have some wiggle room on exactly where you want to go and hopefully some funding options. Now this gets harder the higher up in education you go; all schools have bachelors degrees, not all schools offer PHD's though. So I'm in the process of putting together my short list for schools right now. The problem with the specificity of degrees in history is that finding professors whose degrees are in my specialty makes the search slightly more difficult. Plus there is no good search function for doing this except going to school's websites and scrolling through the list of professors to find out what there specialties are (even with the AHA website helping me). I only have two schools currently: University of Chicago and Emory University.

The search continues...

Common Grad School Myth #2

2009-01-26T12:30:00.006-05:00

Myth #2: Going to Graduate School will get me a better salary when i get a job

Truth: I wish this myth was true, and it is if you are majoring in something sensible like business or law. If, however, you are like me and are majoring in the humanities, social sciences, education or arts forget it. It might get you a better starting salary than say someone who is say fresh out of undergrad, but by the time they have been working there the 5-7 years (the same amount of time it would take them to do graduate school) there salary will be better than the one you started with. The sad fact is this is one of those cases where experience trumps education. Then there is the overqualified problem. Very few entry level jobs hire people with PHD/Masters because they are overqualified for the position, and even if employers wanted to hire an overqualified person, they would have to pay them more than the guy with the bachelors, who might not be as intelligent but also won't get bored doing his job in the first month. Plus, employers worry a person with a PHD/Masters won't stay because they are too good for the job and will leave as soon as they find something better. It's the same reason i can't get hired to waitress with my bachelors degree. I somehow become too good for the job.

But what if you have to go to graduate school to get the job you want like being a Professor? If you want to be a professor don't do it because you think the money is good, cause it's not:

If you want to be a professor do it because you really love the subject and you want to teach others (those are my reasons), do it because you can't imagine doing anything else with your life because the money isn't that good. I know 70,000 a year sounds good but when your 50,000 in debt from going to college it doesn't work out so well. Then there is the added problem of getting a job. Unfortunately Baby-boomer's aren't dying off quickly enough and with the sad state the economy/social security is in they aren't retiring from jobs till later either. So professorships are far and few between. I was talking to one of my professors about the job search at my college and they have 2 positions open. One of the positions got 300 applications. 300 people all vying for one spot; those are not good odds.

Still want to do it?

How am I Already Behind?

2009-01-20T11:30:00.004-05:00

Second week of class and i'm already behind, or at least i already feel behind. I've got a stack of books waiting to be read and couple i haven't actually bought yet, which makes the reading that much harder. The problem with these books is that they are boring. I mean there is a reason every high school student says there least favorite subject is history (followed closely by math). It's because the books are like reading a phonebook; it's all facts and figures without any fun. Now i find fun in most parts of history. I can tell all sorts of great stories from history that they don't really cover in school. Which is why when i have to read a history book that is dryer than burnt toast even i have trouble reading it. Plus historians have a tendency to like to hear themselves pontificate in the most egregious verbose manner befitting human language (see what i did there?) which makes it boring and hard to understand. In fact my fellow grad students and I always talk about when we get to write books were going to make them insteresting. Hold us to that when it happens.

So second week of class i have a book review due that i have barely started on a book that is awful. I have like 2 chapters still to read out of a book that makes no sense at all. I have like 7 chapters to read out a book i haven't even bought yet. Plus I have to finish the book for my directed readings and write up a summary/argument to present to my advisor in like a week. Then maybe if i find time i can work on my actual research for my thesis cause i have to start putting together my argument.

I suppose i should do a little less blogging, huh?

And I Care Because?

2009-01-15T11:06:00.004-05:00

I love when undergrads think i care, cause i don't. In fact I pretty much couldn't give a rats ass about what their problems are. Don't get me wrong I was an undergrad not that long ago. I remember what it was like. I remember all-night paper sessions and 2 a.m. taco bell runs. But in retrospect, undergrad was like a walk in the park compared to the constant stress and pressure i'm under now in grad school. To be perfectly honest I coasted through undergrad making A's and B's with a minimal amount of time and effort. I wrote entire book reports after only reading the introduction in the book. I did all this on top of being a Resident Advisor, which was a 24/7 job because i can't tell you how many times i was woken up at 4 am because the elevator was broken. And i worked as a student assistant in an office, so i was a busy undergrad to say the least.

I say all this because i was in a mixed class (Grads and Undergrads) a couple days ago and after class the girl sitting next to turns to me and starts complaining. First its about the work-load in the class, which albeit is difficult. I've had this professor before though and this is his standard way of operating. Plus, the work-load sounded much harder than it actually is because when you look at it all at once it's alot of work, but when you spread it out over 4 months it's really not that bad. Then she gripped about how much money she was already in debt and thats why she wasn't going to grad school. Her talking about this was my fault because i made a comment about the work load being what grad school is like, so she felt the need to tell me why she wasn't going to grad school. And here i thought it was because she's a precious little snowflake who doesn't know how to cope with being an adult and having to work for the grades. Her whining continued on until i managed to get out of the classroom. My apologies to my fellow grad student who i tried to drag into the conversation but it was out of desperation i swear.

The thing is i tried to be nice and tried to sympathize but all this girl wanted to do was complain, and complaining to me is barking up the wrong tree. Because while i was serving up platitudes and trying to empathize all i was thinking is: Bitch, why do i care? Just because your stuck taking an upper-level course with a bunch of grad students who will likely rip your opinions to shreds and eat them for dinner doesn't mean your getting sympathy for it. We're not afraid to attack each other, you're like a lamb being led to slaughter. There are other undergrads in the class and i don't hear them bitching. Either put on your big girl panties or drop the course. And don't even try to go there with how much debt you are in. I'm going to be paying off loans in my grave and, no matter how much you are in debt, I'm in it worse.

Oh and get used to saying "would you like fries with that?" because graduating in this job market with a bachelors in history is the equivalent to getting raped in the ass in the real world. Trust me i know that the hard way.

My Recurring Nightmare

2009-01-09T09:26:00.005-05:00

It's that time again for me; time to start college applications. I know what you're thinking "aren't you already in college?" And you are right i am already in college. When i decided to go to graduate school after two years of working in the "real world" i had alot of options. I could go straight to a PHD program or i could do a terminal masters. After reviewing my grades from undergrad and looking at programs, I opted to get my terminal Masters degree. Basically i opted to just do two years get another degree and decide where to go from there. I did this for a multitude of reasons. The first was that i didn't exactly know what i wanted to study in History yet (see picking a major) and i wanted to have time to figure that out. The second was that my undergrad grades weren't good enough to get me into any of the schools i really wanted to go to for my PHD. This is not to say my undergrad grades weren't good. I graduated with a 3.28 GPA and I made the dean's list on at least one occasion. It's just that any school i would really want to go to much more competitive and so i needed better grades. Not to mention my GRE scores were not as high as i would like. Lastly, taking two years to do a terminal masters gave me the opportunity to work on my foreign languages. The sad part about doing a PHD in European History as opposed to United States history is that you need reading/writing fluency in typically 2 foreign languages. So in the short run a terminal masters seemed like the better choice for me. And it gives me the option to quit after two years if i really hated grad school.

But as things are working out, I really love grad school and i can't imagine doing anything else with my life than studying history (I know i'm a freak). The sad part about doing a terminal masters is that i opted to go to a grad school that did not have a PHD program. So After two years here i will done and have to go elsewhere. I realize i am only in my second semester of my first year of grad school, so why am i worrying about PHD schools already? Because it takes about a year to do applications for graduate school. Unlike undergrad, graduate school applications are typically due between Dec-March. The more prestigious the school the earlier their deadline for graduate school. So even though i am only in my first year I have to start the application process now if i want to go for my PHD right after i finish my masters.

The sad thing is this will be the third time i have applied to college in 7 years. And each time i do it, the process is longer. Everytime i apply there are more things the schools wants:

Undergrad: application, transcripts and an SAT score.
Masters: application, college transcripts, GRE Scores, statement of purpose, references
PHD: application, transcripts from both previous colleges, GRE scores, statement of purpose, references, writing sample, and some want a resume/CV

So wish me luck because here i go again.

Picking A Major: A Mix and Match Game

2009-01-08T11:10:00.001-05:00

So in undergrad when you picked a major it was a broad all-encompassing field like: History, Political Science, English, Chemistry, etc. When you get to Graduate School ( actually they want you to know this when you are applying as well) the game changes. Your major is no longer a broad sweeping subject but an incredibly specialized microscopic field. Every particular field has their own way of devising the field. But since i am the History Chick, i'm going to use my field as an example. History is mainly dived by three categories: Country, Time Frame, Genre. Here is a mix and match game to illustrate:

Column A:
United States
England
Brazil
Germany
Japan
South Africa

Column B:
Pre-WWI
Renaissance
Pre-Modern
Post-WWII
Modern

Column C:
Political
Cultural
Social
Women's
Intellectual
Economic

So you basically pick one from each category and viola you have a major in History. Now granted i am grossly over-simplifying the method. Each country divides their time frames differently, and their are genres that don't exist everywhere. You will only find African-American history in the United States. Then there are things like Religious History which don't necessarily have a country. Or Ancient Civilizations which is simply just done different, which is why it often has its own department.

The problem with this system is two-fold. First it creates highly specialized historians. So a person who does something like French politics during the revolution has little to no idea whats going on in British economic history during the same time. Even though almost all historians who go on to be professors have to teach introductory courses like European history from 1660-present or World History to 1500.

The second problem is that if forces historians to choose a field. I personally don't like to limit myself to one country. Genre and time frame i have less of a problem with. But i could pick a European country out of a hat and be happy with what i get. So when i started applying for grad schools and i had to narrow it down it was really difficult. By the time I wrote my personal statement I had it narrowed down to two: Germany or Russia. When i got to the college the decision was more or less made for me for two reasons: a) the Russian Historian was on leave and b) I can already badly butcher the German language whereas my Russian is limited to the word Dasvidania (goodbye).

So if you are thinking about applying to grad school for history think long and hard about what you really want to study, and then pick what you can do. Trust me when i tell you i am in over my head with German history for the simple fact i have to learn the language.

Back To The Grind: How I'm Falling Asleep at the Wheel

2009-01-07T15:23:00.005-05:00

Even though classes don't officially start until Friday, and even though my first class isn't until Tuesday I went back to work today. For those who may have missed the memo before, I work as a graduate assistant in my school's library working on a digital project. I love my job like seriously love it. I will talk about it non-stop to anyone who listens. I mean i basically get paid to look at old photos everyday. Who wouldn't love that job?

But for whatever reason i cannot concentrate today. The first half of the day was plagued by me being exhausted. It's the first day i have gotten out of bed before 10 AM in over two weeks. The second half of the day is basically being devoted to my ever wandering Internet ADD. I jump around from site to site not really doing anything. I keep trying to force myself to work and it lasts all of about ten minutes before i get distracted again. I normally do more work in the first 5 hours than i've done all day today. I just can't get it together. I suppose blogging while i should be working is not helping the situation either.

I'm suddenly glad i came back to work early. If i showed up like this to my first class of the semester my Professor/Thesis Advisor would boot my ass out the door.

Can't We Leave Politics Out Of It?

2009-01-06T20:19:00.006-05:00

AHA Members Back Move to Embarrass but Not Boycott Anti-Gay Hotel Owner at Next Convention
Source: Rick Shenkman, reporting for HNN. (1-4-09)
This could be awkward. The AHA is on its way to adopting as official policy a plan to embarrass the owner of the hotel where next year's 2010 convention will take place. The owner of the hotel, Doug Manchester, made a $125,000 contribution in support of California Proposition 8, the recently-passed measure that forbids gay marriage in the state. At Sunday's Business Meeting gay activists won support for a resolution to embarrass Manchester by hosting at his hotel "a series of panels and special events that will address issues of equity and place questions of marriage and family in historical perspective." A working group will be established to facilitate this effort. The resolution includes a provision to set aside a minimum of $62,500 to support initiatives "in this vein proposed by the working group, Program Committee, or LGBTQ Task Force." If matching funds aren't found the AHA will increase its own spending up to $100,000.

The Business Meeting turned back a more extreme measure to boycott the hotel, the Manchester Grand Hyatt San Diego, after AHA officials pointed out that the cost of breaking the association's hotel contract could exceed $700,000. Barbara Weinstein, past president of the AHA, who offered the substitute plan to embarrass the owner, noted that whether the organization boycotted the hotel or not the owner would be enriched. Therefore, she argued, it made more sense to stage a series of gay marriage panels to draw public attention to the hotel owner's conservative agenda.*

For those who don't know what the AHA is it's the American Historical Association. It is an association that i one day aspire to be a part of. As of right now i am just a lowly graduate student, I don't even think i'm allowed to consider myself a Historian. But this is totally off the subject. So the AHA does a conference every year and they have panels and colleges do interviews with applicants. They book the hotels years in advanced. Next year's conference is going to be in San Diego. The owner of the hotel the AHA is using gave tons of money to support Proposition 8 which bans gay marriage in California. The AHA has opted not to move their conference to another hotel because of fees, but instead is going to have a series of panels discussing marriage in History.

This actually kind of pisses me off. The owner of the hotel spent his own money to back something he believes in, regardless of whether its right or not, and an association is going to try to punish him for it. Last time i checked this was America and a person had the right to follow whichever political party they wanted to. If the owner of this hotel gave money to support anti-war movements the AHA wouldn't give a damn. If this owner had given campaign funds to Hilary Clinton the AHA wouldn't care. But because this guy is anti-gay marriage the AHA is going to try to embarrass him. Why does his political matter? The AHA is using his hotel not backing his opinions. Nobody would have even known the hotel owner backed Prop 8 until the AHA made a big deal out of it. What pisses me off more is that where does the AHA get right to take a political stand. It makes all the historians who attend the conference become associated with a political position. I find it hard to believe that all historians are pro-gay marriage.

I don't like the idea of an association trying to influence opinions or using the funds of its members towards a political position. This is like a labor union telling its members to vote one way or another. It just rubs me the wrong way entirely.

*Story from HNN

Grad School Resolutions

2009-01-01T18:52:00.006-05:00

So its the New Year and what comes with the New Year but resolutions.

So my Grad School Resolutions for 2009:

Actually finish the readings. 2/3 of the book is not finishing

Start papers more than 2 days before they are due. All Nighters= Exhaustion

Learn German, work on French (I got a year right?)

Don't stress about PHD school applications

I'm figuring these won't last past February, but here's for trying.

Already Dreading Next Semester

2008-12-30T20:28:00.008-05:00

A little grad school math for you:

14 weeks + 25 Books + Y# of papers + 12 12-packs of soda - (5 hours of sleep x 14 weeks) + 3 hangovers - (30 hours of work x 14 weeks) + 0 hours of Sex= One extremely exhausted Grad Student.

It's not even 2009 yet and i'm already dreading next semester. It's not like i can't do the workload I took 5 classes in one day during undergrad I can hack it. I'm just not looking forward to it. The picture above is actually my textbooks, although only 21 of them i still have to order 4 of them. I'm actually looking forward to reading some of them, sadly. That's the problem with being a history nerd you actually enjoy some of this crap. I'm just not enthused yet. I'm taking 3 classes and auditing an undergrad class, and all of my classes sound interesting. If they actually turn out to be interesting remains to be seen.

However, I'm taking an independent reading course with my Thesis Advisor and its a little daunting. I'm actually afraid of my Advisor. He's a little scary. I don't think he tries to be he just kinda is. I actually do like the guy and i think he's going to be the swift kick in the ass i need to get my thesis done. There's just not going to be any BS'ing this guy which means i'm going to have to work hard and often to prove to him that i'm good enough. And not only do i have an independent reading with this guy the undergrad class i'm auditing is with him. Hopefully, i can blend in with the back of the room and let the undergrads take the attention off me.

If my advisor wasn't scary enough, one of my other classes is being taught by the Grad Advisor for the college. I've never even met this man but he knows me having read my application. If you think he would have forget by know i can assure you, you are wrong. I had to send him an email about registration and he could rattle off my undergrad institution, my area of specilization and about 3 other things about me. It's kinda scary when you go into a class and the teacher knows everything about you. Plus i heard this guy is super hard with paper critiques and he likes you to write a certain way. I'm not even good at writing my way let alone someone elses.

So i expect this semster will make me pull my hair out on several occassions. Should make for good blogging though.

Why Can I Never Be Happy?

2008-12-28T23:19:00.005-05:00

So I sucked it up after Christmas and checked my grades. I wanted too and i didn't want to and i drove my family crazy debating if i should check them or not. Finally my mother just told me to check them and shut up about it (she didn't say it in so many words but it was implied). So after my total complete meltdown over my grades what did i get? Straight A's.

The worst part is even when i get what i want i can't be happy with it. Yes, inside i did a little dance of joy when i peered at my computer screen and saw 3 A's. It is the first time since the fourth grade that i have gotten straight A's. The problem is i'm not sure how i got those grades. I don't under any circumstances believe i actually deserved them. In one class- okay, in two classes-maybe, but in all three? Either divine intervention or my teacher got me confused with the other girl in the class. Which is possibly because: a) He has done it before and b) is the only way i should have gotten anything other than a B. I just don't think my final paper in the class was A material, not to mention it was 2 pages shorter than the minimum required. So in what world does that get me an A in the class?

The thing is maybe i actually do deserve the A. Maybe i am my own worst critic- it wouldn't be the first time i've been accused of that. The problem is even if i do deserve it I'll never believe it. Which means i could have made straight B's and i would still would have to work harder next semester to do better. Cause even now that i have my A's, I don't believe i deserve them which means i have to work twice as hard next semester to earn them. Yes, i am insane. Bring on the Rum!

Update: I just realized i'm being one of those ungrateful bitches that complains about getting everything she wants. It's like supermodel complaining that men are attracted to her. I have resolved to get over my whiny-neurotic-insecure ass and just be happy for my grades. Otherwise my best friend might bitch slap me.

The End of Semester Meltdown

2008-12-13T22:37:00.003-05:00

So its the end of the first semester of graduate school and i have never come so close to a nervous breakdown. It was a rough two weeks were i did nothing be read, write, research, study and consume large amounts of caffeine. I woke up everyday feeling like i had a mountain to climb and went to bed every night feeling like i didn't accomplish anything. I got less than 5 hours of sleep four days in a row, and i spent every lunch break either working on papers or running them to the history department. I had more student-teacher conferences in the last month of school than i did the last 3 months combined.

So how did i do? I don't know. Call me a chicken (i certainly am) I refuse to look at my grades. There is a method to my madness, at least this time. I have to get straight A's if i'm ever going to get into a good PHD school. Not that my undergrad GPA was all the bad it wasn't, it's just that the schools i'm looking at for PHD are super selective. They get close to 300 applications a year and take like 17 people. So i need to be as close to perfect as humanly possible to get into them. But i know i didn't make straight A's this semester. I actually got one grade back and it was an A (in a class i'm not sure i deserved an A in), but its almost virtually impossible for me to have made A's in the other two as well. I would need divine intervention to get straight A's this semster. So i decided not to look at my grades until January. Because if i didn't make straight A's i'm going to spend all christmas mad at myself for not working harder. So in an effort to not have to be the downer at my family christmas this year, and the fact that i can't do anything about the grades right now, I'm just not going to look at them.

I can be mad at myself next semester when it should kick me in the ass to work harder and do better. Otherwise, i'm going to have to sleep with someone to get into a PHD school.

What The Hell Are You Wearing?

2008-12-09T09:37:00.007-05:00

So being back on College Campus means i get to see poorly dressed Undergrads everyday. Most of the time i have to wonder what they were thinking when they got dressed in the morning. Since grad students are trying in vain to be adults, we typically get every morning and attempt to make ourselves look like functioning members of society. I have yet to see any Grad Student commit the fashion faux-pas I see undergrads making everyday, and thus i have to make fun of them:

Pajamas: Who wears Pajamas to class? I don't even want to wear pajamas outside of my house. Its one thing if your pajamas are like sweat pants, or if your going to the Rocky Horror Picture show. But if your pajamas contain pictures of ducks, spongebob, or are easily reconginzed as pajamas don't wear them out of the house. It takes like 3 seconds to put on pair of pants. And a dirty pair of Jeans is better than pink unicorn pajama pants. I'm not even going to discuss the people who wear slippers outside of the house. Those people should be shot on sight.

Pigtails: I don't know what self-respecting adult has the audacity to put pigtails in their hair and think it looks cute. Pigtails are for five years old and cheerleaders. Even worse i've seen girls with short hair trying to rock pigtails with bows or fuzzy hair ties. It makes you look like an idiot. This is a cease and desist order.

Dressing for the Wrong Season: There is nothing wrong with wearing mini-skirts and heels. I have been known to wear both on occasion. But not during the middle of winter when it's 23 degrees outside and snowing. Props to this girl for going the effort to look cute, but she just makes herself look like an idiot by doing it with the wrong clothes. If it's cold out find cute pants to wear. Likewise if its 90 degrees outside don't wear a jeans, snow boots and a hoodie. Unless you have hockey practice later.

Questionable choices: All of us wear things that could be considered questionable at some point or another. But most of us don't wear those things to class. Low cut tops that barely constitute as pasties are no for class (and i was guilty of that in undergrad, just once). As are sweat pants with boots. Both are fine on their own. But boots with sweat pants and worse when the bottom of the sweat pants are tucked into the boots is just asking for people to say "what the Fuck is she wearing?" If you can't bend down and pick something up without 1/3 of your ass falling out of your skirt/shorts it is probably too short. I live in daisy dukes, but i try to at least stay respectable. There is a difference between club wear and class wear.

The Love of the Library

2008-12-03T12:25:00.003-05:00

So with the end of the semester coming into sight (thank god!) I have been spending more and more time at my actual job trying to cram in hours. I luckily work at the school library with an awesome job. The great thing about working at the library is that i can do research while working. I'm one of those lucky GA's that has their own cubicle and computer. So while i am doing my job i can search the library catalog for books, browse Jstor for articles and work on papers. Whats even better is that on breaks i can just run upstairs to get a book. Need a book about Vergennes (French foreign minister prior to the revolution) it's in the stacks on the second floor. Want to get the research librarians to do some digging for you, there behind the computers on the first floor. Want to make sure a book is usable? I can just grab it from the stacks and skim through it at my desk without actually having to check it out.

This has been particularly beneficial the last couple days. Paper writing insanity still continues with 3 papers due in a week span. One is a rewrite of the already mentioned 25-hour monstrosity. Another is an argument paper where I'm actually having to make my own argument. I haven't done this at all since undergrad. Since i got to Grad school all my papers have been talking about what other people thought about a subject, so it's refreshing to be able to do my own thinking for a change. But in doing so i've needed sources out the wazoo and have spent several breaks from work in the stacks smelling the the paper and searching for any information i can find.

The Insanity of Paper Writing

2008-11-25T10:46:00.003-05:00

In Undergrad, I was the queen of paper writing. I could bust out a ten-page paper in as little as four hours with nothing but the assistance of notes and my textbook. Oh, how times have changed.

Case in point my never-ending Historiography paper. I have been doing the research for this paper for several months. I have a pile of books and articles that have been paged-tabbed and highlighted to death. I had a fairly general idea of what i was going to say about the topic before i sat down to write the paper on Sunday. 8 hours into writing the paper i had only completed 6 pages and quickly realized it was going to take much longer than originally anticipated to write this paper. At midnight on Sunday I sent my boss an email explaining there was no way i could come in Monday due to this paper. I woke up Monday and went straight to work, pausing only to eat and take a shower. I did not leave my house all day, and can scarcely remember seeing sunlight. As of 5 o'clock on Monday I was only at page 10. The hours drug on and on and around 2 A.M. I was somewhere between completely pissed off and wanting to cry. I was two pages short of completion and I had nothing left to say. This resulted in another hour of being mostly pissed off an desperate for anything to say to fill the last two pages. At 3 A.m. I had finally pushed through my sleep-depravity and desperation and finished the last two pages (technically there is only 3 sentences on the last page but at that point i had stopped caring). I did not even bother to proof read my work, I simply printed out four copies of my paper and went to bed knowing i had to be up in 4 hours for work. It's now Tuesday. I am exhausted, pissed off and fearing the failure that is my paper. After doing the math, I spent 25 hours writing one measly 20 (19-really) page paper that i am not even sure is worthy of a B.

When did paper writing become this insane? When did it take me longer than an hour to write a single page? and if this is the case how long is it going to take me to write my 100-page master's thesis?

Forgetting Why I Love This

2008-11-19T10:05:00.006-05:00

So the end of my first semester of my first year of grad school looms on the horizon. This time of year is insane. I have two twenty-page rough drafts due, which then follows by the two twenty page final papers being due and a ten page paper on a book. It's enough to make anyone spazz out and starting thinking of ways to bribe professors. On top of that I have a wedding to go to which is taking up an entire weekend i need to write a twenty page paper, so i am in a hole its going to take me a while to dig my way out of.

That being said, I got out of class last night, went home, watched House and then turned off my TV so that i could get back to work. I opened up the first of my twenty page rough drafts (this one really only needs to be like 10-13) and got back to writing. Somewhere in the middle of pages 5-6 it stopped feeling like work and started feeling like fun. Thats when it dawned on me. I really love doing this. I love History. I love reading it, writing it, agonizing over it. Sometime during this mess of a first semester I forgot that. It's easy to forget why your doing this when you have to read 20 books on crap you couldn't care less about, or your having to write yet another paper on some book the professor assigned. But in doing this paper i remember why i was putting myself through this level of hell. When i get to pick my own topic and actually do research on something i like, it stops being work and starts being fun again. I really have fun writing, researching, and reading about how events happen. I like the political intrigue and the crazy stories. I like that sometimes truth is stranger than anything fiction could make up. I really do love history and i just needed something to remind me of that.

For those who might be wondering what this paper was about that reaffirmed my love of history: It's on what I have learned about the causes of the French Revolution from reading letters between Marie Antoinette, her Mother the Empress Maria Theresa of Austria, and Maria's advisor in Paris the Comte de Mercy. The Paper is affectionately titled "Off With Her Head: How Marie Antoinette Became the Most Hated Woman in France."

Is Grad School for Me?

2008-11-07T16:32:00.005-05:00

So you're thinking about going to graduate school? Not sure if its right for you or not? Here are some questions to ask yourself.

1. Do You Really Love the Subject?

If you don't you are wasting your time. You need to be a total geek in the subject matter to be able to do grad school. If you just have a passing fancy with a subject you're going to get burned out quickly. Grad School is like overdosing on your favorite subject until you build up a tolerance and begin to hate it.

2. Do You Like Being the Star Student?

Get over it. If you feed off being the best and the brightest in your class you won't survive in grad school. Everybody was the best and the brightest in their fields in undergrad. Your not in a class with a bunch of apathetic students anymore. In grad school were all trying to make our marks and trying to outdo the other person. We feed off the competition. Your professors are not going to pat you on the head and give you a gold star here. In fact, they will make you feel stupider.

3. Can You Do This?

Grad school is not for the faint of heart. You need balls of steal and the tenacity of mountain lion. You will feel like a fraud on a daily basis. You will be around people who make you feel stupid. If you are like me, and have a major that requires you to have reading knowledge of two foreign languages, your going to have a mountain to climb. People will discourage you. People will think you are insane (you kinda are). You have to want it bad enough that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

4.How Important is Your Social Life?

Cause once your in grad school, you no longer have one. Every waking hour you are working at your job, in class or working on homework/research. I'm happy if i managed to see sunlight once a day. Getting out with friends is nearly impossible. I'm not saying you can't ever get out, but your certainly not hitting the bar three times a week.

5. Can You Imagine Doing Anything Else With Your Life?

If you can imagine working in a bank, or joining the peace corp, being a teacher, working in lab than i suggest trying to do that. Because otherwise you will always wonder what if i had done something else. Once you commit to grad school getting out isn't an option, even if hate it. If you quit you'll always wonder if you weren't good enough, but you stay your stuck hating it until you finish.

Common Grad School Myth #1

2008-10-30T22:13:00.005-04:00

So before you go to grad school, you have all these common conceptions on whats its going to be like. Some of them are true, some of them aren't and some are true in cases. But at least here you're getting the answers from someone who knows.

Myth #1: Grad School is an extension of undergrad. It's the same sort of work just more in depth.

Truth: This is true in certain cases. If you're an architecture, costume design, or business major this is more or less true. If you're majoring in the humanities or social sciences, it's not. Grad school is an indoctrination into the field of study. Gone are my days of doing "pure history"* and instead i spend hours and day reading books on major historical movements. I read works on the history of the study of history. I read major historical theorems that changed the way history is done. I read various books on sociology, civilizations and the humanization of the world to see how those can be used in my application of history. I'm expected to know major philosophies made prominent by Marx, Freud, Foucault, Derrida, Adam Smith and various other theorists. I spend class discussing the role of these things in history and the role of the historian. I have spent countless hours this semester alone debating objectivity in history and whether it can ever really be achieved. I long for the days when i get to take notes in class about what happened where, who and why. In fact i audit undergrad classes for fun for just this reason.

*Pure history, as defined by me, is the who, what, where, when, why and how of history. This is the history most people hate: the dates, place, times and people involved in an event.**
** Look my blog on grad school has footnotes. My footnotes have footnotes. I really am a history nerd

Symptoms of a Grad Student

2008-10-29T15:13:00.008-04:00

In this day and age when some people start Graduate school in their early 20's and some people start their Bachelor's when their 40, It's hard to tell a grad student from an undergrad. But there are some easy clues to tell the two apart, if you know what to look for.

Pale Skin: Grad students tend to look like they haven't seen daylight in years. It's because we haven't. Our free time in spent in the library, behind a computer, doing research. None of those things include sunlight. Find the least tan looking person on campus, ten to one their a grad student.

Under-Eye Circles: You know the deep dark bags under someone eyes. Have them more than three days in a row, you're looking at a grad student. We don't have time to sleep and when we do were too stressed out about work to actually get sleep. Strangely I'm more rested the less sleep i get.

Twitching: This happens most on two occasions. The first is when you have to meet with your Adviser, cause you've never done enough. You have no idea what you're going to talk about and you know there going to hoist crap on you. The second is when you have stared at something so long you're eyes start twitching. This is typically followed by the feeling that your going to start bleeding our of your eyeballs, and your tempted to gouge them out.

Highlighter/Pen/Book: Grad students typically have one of these on their persons at all time. It's even worse if their using them while walking. I have seen the most masterful Grad student walk into a tree by trying to read a book while walking.

Chipper Demeanor: If you see this, you're not talking to a grad student. Grad students by nature are disillusioned, disgruntled, and scared for our lives (Unless you run into a first semester grad student who hasn't realized what they've gotten into). We live in a world of total fear of being found out as a fraud. We have nothing to be happy about

Seriously, What Was I Thinking?

2008-10-28T10:29:00.000-04:00

This is a question i ask myself daily. What was I thinking when i applied to graduate school? What was I thinking when i decided to take two of my most important classes my first semester in grad school? What was i thinking taking them simultaneously? and currently What was i thinking when i decided to start another blog, when i am already way over my head in graduate school.

Well this is what I was thinking, at least on the last question, I need the stress relief. Between the reading books that I'm not sure are fit for human consumption, writing papers on things i know absolutely nothing about, critiquing books and articles where i can't even figure out the authors main point, and feeling like a total fraud, I need somewhere i can go and make fun of myself for even doing this. So welcome to my life as a graduate student. It will be ridiculous, irreverent , and painful but so is Grad School.